Moderator: Tech Haven Network - Moderator team
Centuri posted it on the NC forums, nothing better than NERD (except for maybe the fall of TH... if only there were more of it we could know for sure! ).
(Torque on his electric keyboard starts hammering keys)
"Oh GM GM....
(Demon-Surge on his kiddy drum set)
Oh GM GM....
(Megaman starts dancing, pointing his power armour pecs at everyone thinking this will gain ratings).
Oh GM GM, how was I supposed to show?
I didn't hack my healthbar?
Oh GM GM, I shouldn't have let, you know...
My Cursed Soul is a cloner.
I'm L33t, no its not a speed cheat
Tell me GM, who's the guy who narked because...
My Uberness is not a cheat.
I must confess, I am so l33t.
Still so l33t.
When you're not watching, its ganking time,
It's not a Crime!!
Kick Me GM One More Time.
Oh GM GM, I just need to kill this foo
I'll soon have him cryin.
To beat some newbies, there's nothing that I wouldn't do...
But Sh*t, you must have seen it.
Show me, how you're gonna screw me.
Don't just send me to the loading screen because....
15 Monks aren't killing me,
I must digress, I need to pee.
Need to Pee.
NC is lagging so Now I'll find,
Dupes all the Time...
Kick Me GM One More Time.
Oh GM GM,
Oh GM GM, Eyyyyyyyyy
(Torque gets nice piano solo now)
(Megaman starts pouting and trying to look sad and innocent)
Ohh GM GM, how was I supposed to know?
Oh my red soullight is really starting to show
I must confess, that my haxxorness
Is banning me now,
Cause I know i must believe
That you will not hear
About all my crimes!!!
Kick Me GM One More Time!!!
My Haxxorness is banning me
I must confess, I still believe
When you're not watching its warping time
I've stepped out of Line
Kick Me GM One More Time..... Eyyy...."
NERD Issue # 027
The Truth About Bats and Droms
Lisa Davitt had finished a long and tiring day of being blonde and had returned to her luxurious Plaza 3 apartment. The elevator doors opened and she began walking down the narrow corridor to her apartment door. As she walked, she thought she could hear a grunting, rustling sound. She got to the door and placed her hand on the identi-scanner. The door slid opened and she stepped in. All of a sudden she heard a thud and a scurrying noise, before a flash of light from the Generep was spotted. Lisa, shocked that something had been in her apartment, looked around to see if there was any damage. As best she could tell there wasn't any until...
Aghast, Lisa ran to her hometerm and called the NCPD.
"NCPD here, Officer Jenna speaking,"
"I need help... someone was in my apartment."
"Ok, just calm down ma'am. Is anything stolen?"
"No, worse... whatever it was was molesting my potplants!!"
A few hours later,
McDanish, SoulBurner, Vain and Byron were out fighting near El Farid Village. They had just finished killing a Hazard Worm, and pulling SoulBurner away from its tempting posterior.
"So, what shall we do now?" Byron asked.
"We shall decide what we are going to do now." (Do I even need to tell you who said that?)
"How's about we all head back to city for some Synthetic Milk? Milk, it does the body good. You guys go on ahead and I'll just finish up here... ack." Soul got slapped by Byron again. The debate continued, and rather than stand around with the full weight of his back, McDanish placed a package of tech parts down on the ground. Eventually it looked like everyone had agreed to go back to the city and take a breather, and McDanish went to collect his pack, when a Grim Persecutor came over a dune and ate the package.
"Ack!! A Grim Persecutor has come over a dune and eaten the package!"
"Brilliant deduction Sherlock!" Soulburner yelled, "now what do we do?"
"Mr. Grim, would you kindly cough up my package?" McDanish asked the Grim. The fireball to the face was answer enough.
"Guys, get ready, you attack it from the front and I'll launch my special attack!" Vain yelled. Not having a better idea, they attacked it from the front. Vain snuck around behind the Grim. It looked like SoulBurner was going to be killed, despite Byron's attempts to heal him, when all of a sudden Vain screamed like a dying sheep and launched himself at the Grim. The Grim stopped fireballing the others to turn its head and make a 'hmn?' sound. Once 3 steps away, Vain pulled the buckle on his Inquisition trousers and let them fall to his ankles. 3 men and a Grim stood there, jaws on the ground, as Vain launched himself into midair, with his pants round his ankles and his heat-seeking moisture missile targeting the greatest ass of fire, and impaled the Grim from behind. The thrusting began and the regurgitation started. The Grim's eyes did something similar to Wile E Coyote's eyes in a Roadrunner cartoon as the penetration began.
"NOOOO!!! Not another one!" Byron screamed.
"Hey, I only do em when they're dead." Soul yelled.
"Oh and thats supposed to be a defense?" McDanish looked at him. Vain continued his pelvic assault and, Byron almost wished he hadn't noticed, but the Grim seemed to be grinning. He felt last nights Baked Wasteland Potato's coming back on him.
"Well, *grunt, moan, heave* what are you waiting for *grunt, heave, squelsh* hurry up and shoot it!" Vain yelled between thrusts. Soulburner opened fire and was the most effective. McD and Byron kept trying to shoot with their eyes closed so tended to hit everything around the Grim, but rarely the Grim itself. Eventually the mighty beast was felled, but unfortunately this led to three things.
1. Vain didn't stop.
2. SoulBurner decided to join in.
3. Byron and McDanish generepped back to the city in search of therapy.
After the Grim incident, Soul and Vain decided to chill out at El Farid Village, overlooking the lake. The desert wolves were howling, the vultures were circling, the droms were eating and the two necrophilactic beastial sodomisers were feeling pretty good.
"You know, Grim's pretty good. Not as good as Hazard, but good nonetheless." SoulBurner said.
"Ever tried Warbot?"
"Nah, those guys got sphincters as tight as a drum. Kinda explains the pissed off look on their faces."
"True." Vain agreed.
"You know, sitting here, with nature around us... I'm getting an inspiration coming on."
"Dude, you just did the Grim like 11 times."
"An 'INSPIRATION'... what did you think I said?"
"Oh... never mind. So whats your inspiration?"
(The Following Song 'The Drom Song', is done to the tune of 'The Bad Touch' aka 'Discovery Channel' by BloodHound Gang. Lyrics written by NERD, a subsidiary of LaeminCorp. All Rights Reserved.)
(SoulBurner grabs a mic and stand on top of one of the houses)
"Well now, we call this the act of mating, but there are several things about us you need to be aware of
(Vain pulls out the kiddy drum set he stole of Psycho Killa the other week. Goes mental for a while till Soul kicks in on his electric keyboard.)
Grass baby grass hey we eat it all damn day,
All us Droms chow on the ground like this stuff was piles of hay.
Wait this hands on my glands and its feeling my nuts,
Damn that runners getting horny, like those pepper park sluts.
Now thats too much, you shouldn't touch, this is rough uncharted grounds,
I'm not your lover, pick another, like that Plaza rat in town.
So just back away, i'm here eating hay, I'm not sadistically inclined,
Don't you know this sicko show is a capital crime?
Do it now,
You and me baby are descended from camels,
Your backside texture is patterned like flannel.
Do it again now,
If you get caught, you know that Vain'll be
Down on your 6 giving beastial anal.
Not again now!
(Soul' pointless piano bit)
(the rest of this song was censored due to not being fit to be heard by anyone under the age of 200)
Somewhere near Cycrow, standing over the corpses of several bloody corpses...
"Ohhhh.... bad... music... it disrupts me,.... EEYYYYY.... uuggghhh..." Megaman became quite ill as the highly disturbing sonic waves reached him.
Back to Soul and Vain...
"... yeah man, Droms are cool." Vain was looking with lust at a small herd nearby.
"Yeah man, Droms, lets get us some Drom bootey!!"
"FREEZE!!" SoulBurner and Vain turned to look at the squad before them, weapons drawn, surrounding them.
"Who are you?" Vain asked.
"No questions from you. We're taking you to BED!" The head of the team yelled.
"Well, you know I am kinda tired after that Grim."
"Not bed, BED! BioTech Ecology Division. The two of you are under arrest!"
"On what charges?" Soul asked. The leaders assistant whipped out a gigantic list.
"You two are charged with multiple counts of sodomy, necrophilia, cross-species propogation and abusing a potplant!"
"Oh, right, I didn't have time to clean up before Lisa got back." Vain looked a little embarrased.
"Dude... a potplant? Like, how is that even physically possible?" Soul asked.
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR!! Take them away." And so it was that the two were carted off to BED where they would endure SEX (Sanitising Education eXperiments).
"Vain, we want to help you," Magnus Garn was the guy on top in BED. At this time he was trying to re-educate Vain, "this addiction of yours is not natural, we want to help you."
"You can give me all the SEX you want, I'm not giving up Drom Booteh!!" Vain yelled.
"Please Vain, be open minded, here, look what we have for you," Magnus pushed a button and a medical table with a naked female strapped to it rose up through the floor. Vain realised it was Mako Tanaka strapped to the bench. His eyebrow raised slightly. Mako looked and realised her predicament.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!! I know where he's been, and I know what he's been in! He ain't touching me!" Vain on the other hand was not so sure about that.
"Ohhhh.... Drom Booteh... Mako Booteh... Drom Booteh... Mako Booteh... Mako Booteh... MAKO BOOTEH!!!" Vain snapped his restraints and leapt towards Mako. With equal determination, Mako smashed her restraints leapt off the table, and with a strength that would put Superman's blue-tights wearing monkey ass to shame, punched Vain through the ceiling and some 6 zones out into the Wastelands.
"BAKA!!!! ^-^ " (for those of you who aren't anime fans, baka means idiot. Who said NERD isn't educational?)
Mako-chan then proceeded to go wild in BED. All attempts to give her SEX just fired her up even more. Eventually she found some clothes and stormed off to go strangle Vain.
And it was clear that her tea-sipping days were over...
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 028
Back in the days of BeTA 2 (once again, for those of you with goldfish attention spans, BeTA 2 stands for Before Terran Animation 2 years, the time before the great unfreezing of the cryo-tubes and the population resurgance) there lived a man. This man was great, and wise, and strong and powerful. Unfortunately he stepped on MJS' toe, got nailed with the NERF bat and died.
So this is the story of another man. A man who is not so great, and wise, and strong and powerful, but nonetheless, we're pretty certain he is a man. Naturally the editing staff did not go over to him to check, we're just going to assume that he is. Cause I mean, come on, what do ya think we're gonna do? Walk up, grab him by the balls, take a squeeze, ask him to turn his head and cough? Anyway...
Once upon a time there was a man named VitalBlade. He walked the streets of Neocron back in the day. Vital loved a good fight, no doubt about it, but he also liked to help out. On a fine day where the radiation was low and the gas clouds weren't hovering around (cause Shodough and his farts of doom were still in cryo thankfully) VitalBlade would stand on the porch of Typherra and wave to passers by, occasionally pulling them over for a good talk, and quite often opening his backpack and throwing goodies like rat flesh, gatling pistols, poison glands and gatling pistols to passers by. Did I mention the gatling pistols? Cause he threw a lot of those things out. Ol' NERD editor remembers the day he was walking by Typherra (for you youngsters out there, that would be the Medicare building in Plaza 1) when all of a sudden a great big gatling pistol came flying off the balcony and nailed ol' NERD editor right in the balls. And NERD editor went down. If you think a gatling pistol is a dangerous weapon to be shot with, then you don't know what its like to have your genitalia mashed by a flying gun. Anyway, not noticing that he had ended NERD editors ability to reproduce, Vital proceeded to chuck another bag full of Gatling pistols over the balcony, effectively burying ol' Ed in rustic weaponry. Eventually the pain subsided and ol' Ed clambered out of the pile (for back in the day gatling pistols were nice and light. After all they were made from 4 metalpipes as the barrels, 3 wires as the trigger and handle and 2 green poisonglands squished up to hold it all together. Amazing what you could make a gun out of back then).
Now a year later, in BeTA 3 (unfortunately the guys in charge of keeping the time back in the day had a few too many synthetic whisky's and consequently couldn't count in the right direction) good old VitalBlade was participating in a good old game of kick the crap out of the Copbots in Pepper Park sector 1. He and some buddies were enjoying the rousing game of knocking the vastly inferior older models of the Cops over when Flawl3ss, enemy of the people and Reza's personal eunuch came running in. Lacking any form of testicles, Flawl3ss had no weak spot. He also lacked any bass in his voice, but thats beside the point. VitalBlade and his long time friend Wannabe (you remember him, the guy you see pasted to the windscreen of your Hovercab every Thursday around lunchtime) engaged Flawl3ss as best they could. But Flawl3ss pulled out a Forbidden Technology. The Ub3rHealth Chip. Inserting it like a supository, Flawl3ss gave himself a 10,000 points of health (for those of you who don't know, Neocron weapons cause your blood to either spill, boil or disintegrate. Once you're out of blood, you kinda die. The Ub3rHealth Chip grants the user a tremendous supply of blood, which it pumps up your rectum and into the bloodstream). But despite this, Vital and Wannabe chose to fight on against the odds. At one point, Vital's mighty Fusion Pistol was destroyed, so Wannabe ran back into Plaza all the way to the back of the Archer & Wessons store in Plaza 1. There he found the Lord of Construction, the original Builder, Professor X.
"Prof, Vital and I are fighting Flawl3ss and I need a replacement Fusion pistol immediately!"
"Oh very well," Professor X closed his eyes for a moment, snapped his fingers and an artifact Fusion Pistol appeared before them, "now go kick ass."
"How do you do that?"
"Its just my gift." Prof answered. (actually it was because he never did anything else all day long, but thats another story).
Wannabe returned to the fight and they fought hard. 7 vendors, 2 Copbots and a newbie named Bob were slaughtered in the exchange, but it looked as though Flawl3ss would win the day. All of a sudden the walls shuddered, a vortex opened in the floor between them and a DEV appeared through it. CoDi stood before them in all his glory. He was packing the crystal of Bannage.
"Flawl3ss, you have committed crimes using the Forbidden Technology. For this you will pay." CoDi began the banning ritual. Not one to go down without a fight, Flawl3ss attempted to kick the crystal. Wanting to help, Vital leapt to protect Codi. Wanting to avoid trouble, Wannabe grabbed a nearby stripper and hightailed it for his apartment. Wanting to strike down Flawl3ss, CoDi pulled his NERF bat out. What happened next would forever go down in history. Flawl3ss dives out of the way in a stunning James Bond action sequence, narrowly escaping the swing of Codi's NERF bat by the fact that he lacked testicles, so the bat passed harmlessly between his legs. Vital, doing a John Woo slow-motion dive in front of CoDi, takes the full force of the bat right in the face and goes flying into a nearby trash can. CoDi, realising his mistake, ignores the now NERFed Vital and proceeds to ban Flawl3ss for a time. He then proceeds to check out the cleavage on one of the nearby strippers.
Now, I'm sure you all know, getting hit with the NERF bat is a horrifying experience. Things don't work right, you feel weak and helpless and everything seems wrong. Getting nailed in the face with the NERF bat is 100 times worse. You're lucky if you can remember how to walk after that. Yet Vital stood up. He cracked a few bones back into place, then turned to look look at CoDi. Gone was the nice, helpful look he always gave. Now there was a look of death in his eyes. He walked over to CoDi, grabbed his belt buckle and pulled his belt off.
"The Belt of Invincibility! No, give it ba...accckkkk" And CoDi, a DEV, fell dead. He had been perforated through the stomach by, you guessed it, a gatling pistol. Wannabe, returning from his quickie, tapped Vital on the shoulder.
"Hey Vital, whats ... ack!" Wannabe crashed into the wall behind him. Vital turned to look at him.
"I am not Vital, I am Ukko Yli-Jumala. Time to die..." and he lurched forward. Wannabe screamed. Then he looked again, and there was VitalBlade, wondering why he was screaming like a 4 year old with a scratched knee.
"Dude, you sould like Flawl3ss, whats the matter?"
"You said you were gonna kill me Ukko." Wannabe sobbed.
"Huh? Who's Ukko?"
"There's a runner called Yu, who calls himself Ukko?"
"No not Yu, You!"
"The man on first..."
"Whats going on here?" Vital asked.
"Vital, you (and this time he pointed) just said you (again pointed) were Ukko, and that you (3rd time) were gonna kill me (points at himself)."
"You gotta be kidding me..." at this point another runner walked in
"Hello, I'm Yu." Yu said.
"Hi I'm Ukko, prepare to die," and Vital gunned him down. Then he blinked twice and looked at the body and then at Wannabe.
"You just killed Yu!"
"I killed myself?"
"No, erm... lemme start again...."
This went on for a very long time....
The next year...
VitalBlade's split personality was still becoming a major concern. There were times where Ukko would be very dominant and he'd go off on slaughtering rampages where he'd pillage the women and rape the livestock. Other times VitalBlade would be dominant, and he'd teach survival training to newbies and do needlepoint with Danae. It wasn't so bad, except if you were around at the time of the change. Often, VitalBlade would go to a sewer and give a newbie some help, and go to hand them an artifact stilleto. Then he'd blink twice and stab the blade in their ear as Ukko resurfaced. Eventually Wannabe decided he had to do something. So he went to BioTech and requested aid.
"Sirs, I need you to fix Vital, he can't go on like this."
"Wannabe, rest assured we can help your friend. We can make him better, faster, and stronger than he was before."
"Oh, thank you, you don't know how much this will help, I don't know how to repay..."
"You can repay us by paying the bill."
"Eh... theres a bill?"
"Yes, this procedure will cost... 6 million dollars!"
"6 million dollars? Where am I gonna get 6 million dollars, man?"
"Then we cannot help you." And Wannabe despaired. Where was he going to get 6 million dollars?
The next day was the Great Neocron Stock X crash. Everyone with shares suddenly had a few hundred million dollars, and many people were throwing millions of credits into Plaza 1. With his money problems sorted for life, Wannabe bought the procedure for his friend.
"Here you go VitalBlade," the doctors gave him a cup, "drink this."
"What is it?" Vital asked.
"Its a retrovirus, in liquified form. It will rewrite your DNA and make you of one mind again." Vital drank the contents of the cup.
"Tastes like piss."
"Woops, wrong cup. Sorry, here you go."
And so it was that from that being, the sane mind of VitalBlade, and the wicked mind of Ukko were reformed into a single being, named after the procedure that forged him.
Liquid Virus or LVirus for short.
Some still remember the tales of Ukko and Vital, the Jekyl/Hyde combo that would set you up with all the gear you'd ever need, then shoot you in the ass as you tried to walk away all encumbered by the weight. However, in the harsh times since the Terran Animation, LVirus has met with bouts of depression, and even considered suiciding himself. He's often been seen to walk around wondering what was wrong with the world.
One day he walked into Plaza 1 and found only 4 people around. One was Warlock the Hermit, a fellow survivor of BeTA 2.
"Warlock, is Neocron dying?"
"Why would you ask that L?"
"Look around you? There's no one here, the worlds population is dwindling. Is Neocron doomed?" He despaired again.
"Relax, I'm sure its just your imagination." and LVirus walked off, desperately looking for signs of life.
"Psst, you can all come out now!" Warlock called out. And 200 people flooded back into Plaza.
So if you are ever walking the realm of the Pluto Universe and are wondering why it seems so quiet, realise that LVirus must be around.
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 029
Precious No More
R minus 14 days...
Sid was not his usual beyond cocky self this day. He had been out showing his NUBI's how strong he was when he had received a summons to Reza's office. The summons simply said 'Don't make me wait.' That was never a good sign. Sid told his NUBI's (all 2 of them at this point) to train (which essentially meant they were gonna stand in front of each other and punch each other in the face, till one of them started bleeding) till he returned (or till the passed out).
Later that day at Reza's Plaza lvl 4 apartment;
"Sir, Insidious Wolf has arrived," Cassandra messaged through the intercom.
"Send his ass in." Reza growled. Sid, not wanting to portray the concern he had, put on his best face and strode into the room, with the usual full of himself attitude he always exuded.
"Heya boss, whats the word?" Sid asked.
"I charged you with the task of making for me a powerful mercenary force. I told you to crush those carebear, toilet installing NUTS months ago. I ordered you to sway a city faction to my cause. None of these things did you accomplish. Instead, you wound up barely able to eek out an existance as a CityMercs clan. Your clan numbers can be counted on one hand and as far as I'm concerned, you're little more than a laughing stock right now," Reza walked towards Sid, who was no longer full of bravado.
"Now wait a sec boss, I can..." he was promptly bitchslapped to the wall behind him.
"You DARE to interrupt me?? What use have I for you if you cannot accomplish any task I set for you?" Sid did not respond, "As I thought. Sid, you cannot be my minion, you're not up to the task. For your efforts in recent War, I shall allow you to leave and do as you please. But you shall not set foot in this office again. Now get out." Reza turned away and began walking back to his desk. Sid suddenly leapt forward and knocked Reza to the ground.
"It darez to slaps us? It DAREZ to mocks us. I R L337 precious!!! YESSS!" Sid hauled out his Holy Lightning ready to strike down Reza once and for all, but he was broadsided by another individual, one he had not seen in the room. Before Sid passed out he noticed the shimmer of a cloaking unit shutting off, and the girth of a GenTank looming over him...
Sid awoke on the steps of CityAdmin. His hands were tied and he was feeling very groggy. Whoever knocked him senseless had departed, and now Sid found himself surrounded by Copbots.
"Attention citizens of Neocron. For actions against our Beloved Lioon Reza," Cassandra Edwards was standing nearby at a podium, talking to the city through its PA system. Sid had to wonder how she could stomach to say 'beloved Reza', "Insidious Wolf has been hereby banned from the city. He is to be evicted from Neocron effective immediately. Returning to the city will warrant the punishment of death. Begin the eviction."
And with that, Sid was lifted to his feet and shoved down the steps. He turned to give an evil eye to the Copbots but the pain on his backside prevented him from doing so. A paddle slapped across his butt.
"Oww, hey whats the big... OWWW" he got hit again, and again, and again. Yes, the eviction process was actually the great tradition of the asspaddling parade of 2437. Sid began almost running as fast as he could, as the entire population of Neocron had lined up forming a path from the steps of CityAdmin all the way to Outzone station. Each person was armed with a paddle and they smacked his ass for all it was worth on his way to the gate.
"Ow... quit it. No, stop it. Yes, we lovez it! No we's don'ts! You's nots adventurous enoughs! I R L337 not adventurous! Precious says we likes it, go slowers! Get your own ass and have it paddled! This is my ass and I wants it spanked! No it's My Ass!..." this and other inane conversations with himself could be heard as Sid sometimes ran, sometimes walked out of the city. Eventually he reached the gate and was pushed down the ramp by the STORM bots. Then the gate creaked shut behind him and he was alone. Night fell on the Wastelands.
R minus 13 days...
Sid, tired and unable to sit down, walked onwards towards the MB. He had lost his job, and all rights to enter Neocron. Of course there were ways to enter undetected, but it would be a dangerous task to accomplish. During the noon day sun, Sid took shelter under a tree, and leaned against it, making sure to keep his glow in the dark red ass from touching anything. He watched the dragonflies dogfighting, the dogs catfighting, and wondered why there were no cats to act like dragons. Eventually, he found the courage to lie down for a while, and he passed into a slumber.
"Sid, gets up. We's needs to talk." Sid sat up and found himself face to face with ... A Mauler. Sid was about to pull his gun when the Mauler started talking.
"Sid, I am your father!"
"Heh, I love this gag." the mauler grinned.
"Who the hell are you?" Sid couldn't believe he was beginning a discussion with a Mauler.
"I am Precious!" Sid checked himself, patting down his pockets and his groin.
"The Mauler ate My Precious!! Give it back fireboy!"
"I dids not eats Precious, I ams Precious!! And why did you check your balls? I was never there, well.... that one time... but nevers uz minds!"
"So, if you're Precious... why are you a Mauler."
"This is one of thoze moments of revelations where you're inner voice appears before you to givez uz Pearls of Wisdoms. To do that, I had to exit your ass (btw, would it hurt to wipe once in a while??) head to the Higher Plane and get a hold of a morph crystal. Unfortunates for me's I seems to have stolens Laemin's one. Its really is brokes. So I must be a Mauler for dis talks."
"Can I sell Pearls of Wisdom at Yo's?" Sid asked. The Mauler kicked Sid in the ass. He screeched then shut up.
"Sids, uz must gives up The Precious! You must be's better than this."
"No!! I needs Precious. Precious is good. Precious keeps me warm at night." They both looked around to make sure no one heard that.
"No, Sid. You must give up the Precious to find yourself. Walk the path of destruction unhindered and bring forth the new age."
"I don't understand."
"Of course you don't. I'm talking in cryptic crap, there's no way you can know what I really mean."
"That totally sux."
"True, but it sounds like I know my stuff."
"And do you?"
"Not so much. I'm overcompensating here."
"Figures." Sid rolled his eyes.
"Ok, fine. So you need to walk that way," The Mauler farted a fireball in the direction, "and destroy all you see. Only then can you bring forth your old strength. And no more talking to Precious."
"Damn. Fine, I shall destroy. Farewell Precious, I R L337 and I R Gone." And Sid rose and began walking. Once he was out of sight, the Mauler morphed shape. Where once it had stood, there now stood the ominous black armani powerarmour that all of Neocron knew to fear.
"That should get him out of the way. Precious is too unpredictable for this campaign." And MJS walked off, laughing maniacly and scaring creatures, till he tripped on a boulder.
"Damnit!! Who put that there?" CoDi appeared before him.
"Sorry, my bad."
"You're demoted, go taste test the new Intestine Burgers." MJS growled. CoDi weeped as he warped to the nearest food vendor to try out the latest hideous food sensation from McMutants.
R minus 12 days...
Sid was in better spirits as he sang a walking song to himself.
"Hey hey and away I go, where I'll stop no one can know.
Walk this path, 5 zones long, watch out now cause Sid is strong.
Bringing fire death and pain, Insid-e-ous Wolf, yes thats my name.
Running on the sandy dunes, tripping on some newbies tombs.
Where the crap am I right here? That Johnny 5 is striking fear... eh?"
Sid found himself surrounded by strange robots that rolled around and surrounded him.
"Intruder, Intruder. Disassemble." They all armed their laserpointers.
"Disassemble? NO!!!" Sid prepared to fight them when they shone their laser pointers in his eyes.
"Arrrgghhhh, my cataracts!!!" The Bots beat Sid up for a while, then determined that with only 3 unbroken bones he wouldn't be much of a threat so they went back to patrolling. Sid lay there for some time, wondering how long it takes for bones to fix themselves when dusk fell and two individuals met nearby. Sid could not see, but he could just make out their voices.
"Is all in preparation?" the first asked in a low resounding voice.
"Yes. Soon I shall move. You shall know it is time when the earth itself shakes. Then shall my coming be nigh." the other responded in what seemed to be an electronically altered voice.
"Very well. We shall stand prepared to aid you. Then we shall have our revenge."
"I live only to serve my new masters." the 2nd responded. They laughed a little then parted.
"New masters? Who were the old masters?? What the..." then two more of the 3 unbroken bones broke and Sid passed into unconsciousness. He was awakened occasionally by a Johnny 5 robot running over his foot, but otherwise he just lay there.
R minus 11 days...
Eventually, Sid was found and dragged into the bowels of Dome of York by some of their guards. He was chained to a wall and subjected to tickle torture. But he told them nothing, for he had nothing to tell. So they tickled him anyway, cause it was fun. Eventually they tended his wounds and fed him, but Sid remained locked up, in the dungeons of Dome of York, without even a Precious to talk to...
R minus 10 days...
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 030
5 days had passed since Insidious Wolf had been taken prisoner by Dome of York forces. Unfortunately no one actually knew about this as he had been exiled, his NUBI's were unaware of his presence, and any that might have tried to follow his trail would not have got past the dragnet of security now encircling Dome of York. Thus Sid's disappearance had gone virtually unnoticed in the city of Neocron, with the exception of one.
R minus 5 days...
The wall gave way and dust filled the air. Light seeped into the dark void and illuminated small walkways and running water.
"Ok this is new. What have we found here?" Warlock asked as he widened the hole in the wall that he had just created.
"We have found a hole in the wall." Warlock might have backhanded McDanish, but it didn't seem worth it. Once the hole was large enough to pass through, Warlock entered the darkness. A few moments later he exited the darkness and went to the nearest Archer & Wessons for two flashlights (the one item in all of Neocron he'd never had a use for). Returning to the hole, he and McDanish entered the darkness, flashlights in hand.
The day before the two had been working on the last toilet installations for Pepper Park 3. At long last it seemed the toilet installation work was coming to a close. But while they worked, they had heard faint noises coming through a wall. Some minor investigative work had revealed that beyond that particular wall should be nothing. That wall was supposed to be part of the main city walls that enclosed Neocron from the Wastelands. Yet, they were certain they could hear sounds, rhythmic and mechanical. McDanish had repeatedly stated that this was 'odd' and that added to Warlock the Hermit's genetic disposition towards exploration led to the two deciding to see if in fact there was anything on the other side of a wall that was supposedly several hundred metres thick. When the wall gave way, they knew they were on to something.
Sure enough, as they entered the darkness, it was revealed that a long since abandoned passageway led between the enclosing walls of Pepper Park 3 and the main city walls. The walkways were hard to navigate, as it was incredibly dark, even with the flashlights, and various debris cluttered their path. But onwards they continued, after making a quick pause to contact NUTS HQ about their plan of action, into the dark unknown.
Not far off, at the Pepper Park Subway platform, Wannabe was preparing for work. Today he had some assistance, as his good friend LVirus had been accepted to work with him. The two were heading down to the NEXT employee access area. Wannabe placed his hand on the door access, and the DNA sampler identified him. The two entered the restricted area, and made their way into the tunnels. Wannabe was even more cheery this day than usual. Not only had he received a promotion to Assistant Manager of Tube Maintenance, not only had he received another substantial pay increase, not only was his friend now going to be working alongside him, but on top of all of that... with LVirus' help, Wanna felt he was finally going to get that damn rat that kept towing him out into the line of traffic. With all that in mind, he jovially stepped out onto the walkway and began navigating his way towards today's work area. They were going to be working at the Pepper park offramp, the point where traffic can either turn towards the old unused sections of the system, or turn to head off towards Outzone station. NEXT had quite optimistically put forth instructions to begin work on reactivating the unused segments. Apparently it was believed that CityAdmin would approve a proposal currently before them to add additional stops and increase the scope of the cities transit system. This all sounded like a lot of work to NEXT, but it also meant pay bonus', so the employees were happy. It would also mean a price skyrocket in NEXT stocks, so investors with their ear to the inside stories were happy too.
LVirus, having reached the location, took out his fusion-cutter and looked to Wannabe for instructions.
"Ok, so what now?"
"Ok, we basically need to open up the plates to access the cabling and see if the cables are still active. If not we need to replace them. Once we've verified that all cabling is functional to the next routing point, we weld all the plates into place, clear any debris, then activate this section. That'll probably take 2 days, so I don't really need to say more at this point."
"Cool, cool. But so I know, once we've done this section we keep moving further down the track right?" LVirus pointed down the abandoned passage.
"Yeah, thats the general idea. Once we reach the next junction we inform HQ and ask for the next assignment."
"Ok, well I guess we got our work cut out for us. That mess right there's gonna be a bitch."
"What mess?" and then Wannabe looked. And just a section down the track he saw the rubble. An entire segment of wall was collapsed and the debris was strewn about.
"Oh hell... what coulda caused this mess? Come on we'd better check it out." And so they marched on towards the rubble.
"... and we can have a half dozen Copbots in position to receive the latest shipment. Naturally securing the basic resources will be of paramount importance. Also sir, we've still got this matter of runners commenting on strange noises from Pepper Park. Naturally I've told them that any problems in Pepper are due to the meddling Black Dragons trying to act like a real estate broker, but I do believe there may be a need to investigate..." Cassandra Edwards prattled on about the daily list of work needed to maintain the city and CityAdmin's operations. Naturally, she knew Reza wasn't paying attention, but she paid this job all the lipservice it needed, in every meaning of the phrase.
"Reza may not care about anything I'm reading to him," she would think, "but he does care if I don't read it. Then he gets paranoid that I'm not being open enough." So she read as she had done every day for the last 4 years. The only time Reza would pay attention was when it was time for his personal 'lipservice' or when Cassandra drew upon the topics of 'CityAdmin Special Projects'. These were Reza's babies; that which he poured his energy into. And most of his projects showed that enthusiasm. The testing and manufacture of X-borgs might have been a failure, but it had not been for lack of effort. And even now, Reza still kept stashes of X-borgs just in case. At the end of the War for Neocron many months ago, Reza had noted that their bezerker tendencies made them hopeless for defense or security, but the perfect Trojan Horse. Reza's efforts to find 2 salvagable Cold Fusion Missiles had saved the city (although from the way he spoke, you'd think he'd have preferred Neocron to be destroyed, calling their use in its defense a waste, and how SpikeZ had doomed us all by launching them on the Dome's forces). His project to ready the Mechs had paid dividends big time. Production and demand were skyrocketing. Everyone wanted mechs, and once they had them, they were still wanting more. Able to cross all terrains at speed, highly armoured and packing some fine energy weapons, they were a formidable sight on the battlefield. Reza's latest project was called the Uplink Annex. Even Cassandra, whom all information and orders went through, could not discern the purpose of the project. Various CityAdmin clans, particularly Clan NCPD had been requested to acquire and hold Uplinks throughout the Wastelands. Since few clans actually used the Uplinks to boost their long range communications in the Wastes, there had been little resistance. But Reza had specified the clans to make the uplinks off-limits. So, the clans armed the uplinks heavily, and in so doing had attracted some attention. But again, with the limited value to the uplinks, there had been little opposition. The occasional problem had come from JERK's, but oddly enough they had been beaten back by Megaman.
Now, some may recall that during the incidents where Martin had unleashed the Blood Brothers on the Pluto Universe, Megaman was assimilated into JERK's by Psycho Killa. This had been the case for a time. But those incidents, and the War for Neocron, had left JERK's somewhat disillusioned. Their power had waned and they had become less active. Thirsting for blood, violence, and his favourite Jukebox in the city, Megaman had convinced Psycho Killa to come with him, and the two had broken from JERK's. They had gathered to their cause as many like minded warriors as they could, and under the banner of the Black Dragons, had formed a clan of their own.
"So, what shall we call it?" Psycho had asked.
"Dunno, any thoughts?" Megaman had replied.
"How about, Claw of the Dragon, or CD for short!" Psycho suggested. Others nodded in agreement.
"Man, get your mamma to pick your names for you, you still need help. But you might be on to something with CD."
"Ok, how about Clan of Destroyers?"
"Not bad, but I like Three Letter Acronyms more. So how's about... Clan of Destructive Villains?" Everyone jumped up and shouted in agreement. Their name was chosen.
And so it was that the name of evil came into being in Neocron. CDV had come to reign terror in Neocron.
And by protecting the CityAdmin outposts, Megaman had won the favour of Reza. He now stood where Sid had fallen. And he swore his allegiance to Reza and Neocron. It had been he who had knocked Sid senseless before his eviction parade. And it was he that was succeeding in bringing Black Dragons under the CityAdmin protection veil, despite years of hostility. But Megaman had been most convincing to the leaders of the faction. So Megaman and CDV worked to ensure the Uplinks remained in CityAdmin control.
"Very well Cassandra, tomorrow I want orders sent to these carriers to deliver their cargo's to the uplinks and then return. That should be all thats required for that project. Anything else?"
"No sir, I believe that should be everything. Oh, wait, you wanted me to start reminding you about that special date."
"Ah yes, how are preparations going for that?"
"They are proceeding nicely sir. This should be a grand spectacle for the people."
"Good. In these chaotic times it helps to distract the cattle with something flashy from time to time..."
The Gates of the Dome began to open. More security bots rolled out into the desert areas. Night fell on the Wastelands, and all was quiet.
R minus 4 days...
NDA were setting up a training ground in the Northern Wastes. They had decided to use Soliko Lab as this ground. The area was to be set up for weapon testing stations and wargame exercises, to train their numbers. Centuri stood on a rock, looking out across his team as they worked. He looked towards the north and saw dustclouds raising from around Dome of York.
"That can't be good. What are they doing now?"
"Rumour has it they've been digging out trenches around the gate." Omega Res came up by his side.
"Yeah, seems they've been fortifying their position with more than just those rolling bots."
"Have a few more turrets placed around the outpost. Just in case..."
Cargo transports had made their deliveries during the night to the Uplinks. The cargo had been unloaded and the receiving clans had taken the contents down into the underground sections, where they began to install them. Today the transports could be seen pulling up to the cities loading docks, and the crews heading in for some long overdue rest. Meanwhile, Reza was ordering the satellite dishes to full activation. Ms. Edwards continued to relay the orders, but still could not determine the purpose.
Early in the morning, Ithaqua had decided to lead most of NUTS on a hunt between Neocron and Tech Haven, clearing out mutants and creatures as and when they found them. McDanish and Warlock had reported they would not be joining them, as they were still investigating the hole in the wall they had discovered. But the rest of NUTS had decided to go on a one week hunt with Ithaqua. They would salvage what supplies they could in the field, and sleep under the stars. Hopefully, they would have fun. Vain and SoulBurner took point, for none knew how to find creatures better than they. Evangelion and Gully Foyle followed up, discussing the pro's and con's of breast implants. Lisa Davitt, Techi, Trillian, Ithaqua, Mako Tanaka and the rest brought up the centre. Byron and Diesel served as the rear guard. They marched from Outzone station to Jerriko and went to the ASG. They activated some of their vehicles and loaded up. Ithaqua took the drivers seat of his 'bus' and others loaded in. ReefSmoker, Vain and Tiny Shopkeeper activated their Mechs and began marching alongside. Foyle decided his recently acquired Reveler would be a nice ride, so he drove in that. And thus they set off before noon, with no clear intention other than to kill some mobs.
Tomorrow was to be a very special day for SpikeZ and Danae. It was to be the third anniversary of their first encounter with each other. To celebrate, SpikeZ had planned a special trip for the two of them. They would set out late in the afternoon from their Plaza 4 quarters, and take a leisurely evening stroll. Their destination was to Outzone 7, where they had first ran into each other. Now, normally one would not even consider going to OZ 7 during the night, much less intending to spend the night there, but of late, the mutant population in that area had been reduced to nothing. Not really caring either way, as he felt certain he could protect his puffy cheeked goddess, SpikeZ carried on with his plan. He met up with Danae for a quick lunch of sushi (not the special kind) and then they grabbed their backpacks and started their walk. The two walked, for the most part without talking, not really feeling the need to, through Pepper park. A small clan skirmish broke out about them, but the two were oblivious...
Yesterday's discovery of the caved in wall had ruined Wannabe's perfect mood. He now saw days of excavation work before him before he could even begin on the cable inspections.
"L dude, come on, get that pile of rubble there out of here." Wannabe yelled as he continued to shovel loose rubble away.
"I'm a welder, Jim, not a dumptruck!"
"Never mind, can't we get some help for this?"
"Not a chance. The rest of NEXT is tied up in some 'special assignment'. NUTS are off on a walk today, so there's no one I can call."
"What special assignment?"
"I'm not sure. But most of the NEXT runners have been working down in the labs, so they must be manufacturing something down there."
"Cool. Maybe its more hovercabs for the new tracks."
"Seems likely. Anyway, lets get back to clearing this crap out." He took another shovel-load, "Hey LVirus, check this out." and he lifted up a mechanical arm.
"Wonder what that came off?"
"Might be off an old maintenance bot, before they figured out this stuff needs the human touch."
Cassandra had the afternoon off, so she was relaxing at home. She'd sent a few private mails in the early noon, but was basically taking the rest of the day to just lounge about the house in her underwear. Reza seemed fairly content with himself. Whatever inane game he was playing with the Outposts was keeping him happy, and this celebration he had planned was obviously something he was planning on enjoying himself. So, Cassandra could just take it easy. And considering how the last few months had been going, she needed it. Her first real break wasn't for another 2 days, but she couldn't wait. Her private messager bleeped, but she decided to hold off for an hour before answering it.
"Ewww, what did I just step in? Is that moving?" McDanish exclaimed.
"Would you keep your mind on what you're doing?"
"My mind is on the path, and the path is covered in slimy moving things."
"Well mind the slimy moving things and cover the path. Shine your flashlight over there, I need more light." Warlock was investigating a rusty door at the end of the corridor. Yesterday the two had spent over half the day exploring the passage. In one direction it led to a small ante-room with various old tools. They were incredibly antiquated, which just led them to believe that they truly had found a long lost segment of the city. In one cabinet they had found a pneumatic drill, a relic of a bygone era, now replaced with the subwave drill or the mining tool. They had also found a generator, powered by combusting poisonglands in a flame. Crude, but effective. So they had converted the small room into the base for their investigations. They had brought adequate supplies in with them and then covered the hole in the wall over, to limit the chances of other runners invading their discovery. The air was stale in the corridors, but the ante=room itself had ventilation access to the city, so was quite hospitable to life. After spending the night regaining their strength they had carried on to the other end. And now they had found the rusty door. There was no terminal for handprint access (or hacking, which was doubly annoying) so they were having to remove it completely. After 7 hours of attempting to weaken the hinges, McDanish was getting fed up.
"This thing ain't budging. Lets head back and find Wannabe, maybe we can borrow a Fusion-cutter."
"If we borrow a cutter, he'll have to account for it. That'll lead to people discovering what we're doing. And you know CityAdmin. Once they hear of any 'new discovery' they try to claim it for themselves."
"Okay fine, but how are we going to open this thing up?" Warlock reached to his belt and grabbed the last momento from his predecessor Master Yoda. The lasersword blazed to life and he disintegrated the hinges and the lock.
"Ok, so why didn't you do that before?"
"Take 3 steps back and ask me that." McDanish did just before the door teetered over and fell on where he had been sitting. The corridor echoed with the boom.
"Not exactly subtle was it?" Warlock grinned. McDanish grabbed his flashlight and the two entered the newly opened room. It was a pump station, apparently feeding drainwater from atop the city walls down into the filtration system of the city.
"We have found a pump station." McDanish said.
"Thanks for that. Now to save yourself a kidney punch, tell me why its sealed off."
"Umm..." he got punched in the kidney.
"I think this is part of the original city infrastructure."
"When the city was built, the original focus was not on nice streets, lots of shops and special services. The focus was on maintaining the walls and the shields, keeping power running and making the basic functions of the city work. This must be part of the system that keeps the wall from decaying."
"Great, so if its that important, why is it abandoned."
"I don't know. Perhaps when they started window-dressing the city to make it look prettier, they walled this up and forgot about it."
"Maybe. So what now?"
"Well there's another door over there, lets try our exploring luck." The two walked over to the door and to their relief found that it had a simple drawbolt lock on it. They opened it with only a minor degree of effort and proceeded further within.
Reza received reports from his special agents during the times he gave Cassandra the afternoon off. He trusted her with the running of the entire city, and kept a fairly loose leash on her, but there were some things he would not share with anyone.
"So, what is the word on the Uplinks?"
"The preliminary signal bounce has been returned by all but 1 of the Uplinks. Tescom didn't get the shipment till early this morning, so they'll still be installing them. We detect no delays whatsoever and should be operational by 0200 hours tomorrow morning."
"Excellent. Keep up the tests. I want it to work flawlessly."
"Yes sir." the transmission changed over to another of Reza's personal agents.
"What news from my breeding pens?"
"X-borg production has been limited like you ask. We have 3 deployable units ready for use at your call, and we can produce 3 more as quickly as 48 hours after getting the go ahead sir."
"Excellent. Ensure their containment. The proposed delivery system is ready?"
"Then all is in order. Good work and good day." and the next transmission came across."
"This is Tangent Requisitions, special agent, deep cover. The shipment of weapons has been prepared. It seems that NEXT will receive them tomorrow afternoon. However, there has been some snooping by the Fallen Angels. I will continue to monitor the weaponry till it has reached its destination. Out."
Yes, all was in place. The cover-story that NEXT would be expanding the subway was working well. Everyone believed that NEXT was about to begin a contract to build more hovercabs and increase Subway usage. This was far from the truth, but it covered enough bases to be believable. It explained the added manpower NEXT was using, the resources they were consuming and the continuiung conversations with CityAdmin over the matter. It would not explain the shipment of weapons tomorrow, but by then it would be too late to do anything. Reza sent out instructions, that Cassandra would issue in the morning to prepare a PR smokescreen, stating that CityAdmin had ordered a large number of Mechs for city protection, thus requiring a large scale order of weapons. The smoke only needed to buy them a few days. Then the project would be complete. Once ready, with the uplinks and the X-borgs, Reza would finally be able to....
The small opening in the steel door opened, and a tray of what passed as food was put through it. Tired and still in a lot of pain, Sid decided he'd make a move to get it shortly, but not yet. No one had come to see him for 5 days now. The last visit had been short and uneventful, with a doctor checking that the medikits were starting to take effect. He wondered how long he would be here, and what was to become of him. Then he tried to move for his food, and decided that thinking was a bad idea, almost as bad as moving. Darkness entered his cell as night fell on the wastelands.
R minus 3 days...
Danae and SpikeZ had camped out under the stars that night. Engrossed in each others company, the grottiness of the place around them had not phased their anniversary in the slightest. SpikeZ, attempting to be the perfect man, had attempted to make breakfast. Once they put the fire out, Danae made breakfast. The two decided to walk around the zone after their meal, and reminisce about the place they had met. That day long ago, when SpikeZ had been trying to reason with a Mutated Bat that his hair would not make good nesting material, and the Bat had responded by trying to render him bald. Danae had then burst in with her Double sharpened Claw and saved SpikeZ righteous hairstyle, and the two had got to know each other over a meal of Spicy Batwings.
As they walked, they spoke softly and intimately, occasionally stopping to mack out a bit, then carrying on when they realised some mutant creature was watching and enjoying. However, at one stop, Danae peered over SpikeZ' shoulder and spotted an open hatch. Curious, the two decided to take a look inside. They found a large corridor heading in a downward slope. Not wanting to go unprepared, the two returned for their gear before carrying on. With no idea as to when their journey would end or where they would end up, they entered the corridor together.
In another dark corridor...
The third day in the abandoned sections of the city, McDanish and Warlock were making good headway in their explorations. So far they had located 2 pump rooms that were functioning, and one that was not. Signs of wall degredation were appearing in that area, and they made a note to bring this to the attention of the people in charge. But just before dusk (or at least their timers told them that, no natural light had found them since they entered these tunnels) they discovered a very heavy deutrithium door. There was no way Warlock's laserblade would even singe this door, so instead they set to work in repairing the doors systems so they could open it. This was going to take some time.
In yet another dark corridor...
Wannabe had managed to requisition a hovertrolley to help them cart the debris out. As they had proceeded, they had noted more and more mechanised bits. He was starting to become concerned. Yet something nagged at his mind, something he knew he should know about his current situation, but it escaped him.
Night fell on the wastelands.
R minus 2 days...
Soliko was armed solid. Scouting parties had detected numerous Dome of York bots rolling around in ever increasing circles from the gates. The rumours of the trenches were true, and now the entire surrounding areas were littered with pop-up turret defenses. Beta Warbots were out in force and whatever was causing the dustclouds had yet to show itself. Centuri had not slept a wink since he'd heard the rumbling growl of 3 beta Warbots walking past the base of Soliko precipice 2 nights earlier. Since then he had called in all NDA forces; placed Mechs at strategic locations and the outpost was now bristling with turrets. But still he was ill at ease. It was in the air again, that sense that something was coming. The last time he'd felt like this, Neocron had been given a gaping gash in the city wall, most of the wastelands had been destroyed, and Centuri himself had ended up with a piece of outpost stuck in his thigh for 3 weeks. And the winds were picking up...
Ithaqua's hunting party had finished an outstanding battle in the Crystal Caves. Carrying bits of batqueen with them, NUTS were feeling quite good. They loaded back into their transports, and this time set off west. Ithaqua was really happy he'd thought to start this hunting party.
"Simon, have the calibrators been adjusted yet?" Ulam asked.
"Yes sir, the man from CityAdmin was just here. He's completed his work on the system."
"You made sure this time?"
"He had work papers issued by Ms. Edwards herself."
"Ok, thank you Simon." Uman went back to his work. In the alley behind his office, an individual in CityAdmin clothing and holding official papers, threw them on top of the corpse in the trashcan and walked off towards Pepper Park.
"I have had it with this crap, man. This was supposed to be a 2 day job. And yet, here I am, 4 days in, still digging through this crap. If I find the moron who caused this cave-in, he is gonna suffer dearly." LVirus was wishing he'd never become gainfully employed.
"I think I might be that moron." Wannabe said softly. LVirus turned to look at him. In his hands were what was left of an exploded fusion-cutter. "I threw this down here to block the corridor when Dome of York tried to invade."
"But that was months ago right?"
"Well look at this, this damage is new. It can't have been here for more than a few weeks." Wannabe realised he was correct.
"Lets keep digging for a bit shall we?"
Around noon the announcement came over the loudspeakers of the city:
"Citizens of Neocron. This is Lioon Reza. Recently CityAdmin has undertaken the task of studying the Ceres Disc's further. In our investigations, we discovered a reference to a particular date, every year, that we have overlooked. That date is the 4th of July. It was traditional for a long since dead country, the United States, to celebrate their Independence on this day. Since the attack by Dome of York several months ago, we have not celebrated the fact that our city is not an occupied city. So, the day after next, we shall celebrate the 4th of July. Shipments from the Uplinks have been acquired by CityAdmin clans of food and beverages for our enjoyment. I encourage all citizens, even the denizens of Tsunami and Black Dragons, to join us in this celebration. As was customary, ProtoPharma and Tangent have developed fireworks, for a visual display in the nights sky. Thank you for your time."
That afternoon MAX-T and Synergy XR received delivery of the weapons consignment from Tangent. They transported the goods to the factory beneath NEXT HQ and got to work on the installation of the weapons.
The corridor that Danae and SpikeZ had entered had proven to be insanely long. Eventually the two found a relatively level place and went to sleep, and then resumed their walk the next morning.
"Are we there yet?" Danae asked.
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Sorry. Ooh, whats this? Sugarfree Milky Ren?" Danae tasted it, and seemingly liked it.
"No self-respecting man would eat a sugarfree Milky Ren."
"Well I'm fortunately not a man then." SpikeZ agreed, for so many reasons. Eventually their journey levelled off, but still no end was in sight. But determined to see things through, they walked on.
The replaced cables conducted power from the gland powered engine in their sleeping quarters. The doors jolted to life, then creaked out of the way. Victorious, McDanish and Warlock stepped into the next room. And they stopped and stared in awe.
Before them was a monolithic machine, some 10 stories tall, cables running to and fro. From where they were standing, they could see 4 other structures, each identical, partitioned from each other and enclosed by a duraglass ceiling. The balcony they stood on overlooked the 5 structures.
"Ok, so what are those?"
"Reactors." McDanish replied.
"These must be the 5 reactors that power the city."
"Ohhh... k, so I'm guessing we shouldn't be here."
"By all accounts no one will be."
"Oro?" Warlock's affinity for the anime sections of the Ceres Discs' kicked in again.
"The cities generators were placed before the ground levels of the city were. They were given self repairing and self replicating maintenane drones with the sole purpose of maintaining the reactors. Then they were sealed off according to the tales."
"You mean those busted down drones over there?" And they both looked to see where he was talking. A landing bay for the drones which was obviously their launching station, had been crushed by a girder that had fallen down. They looked around and could see no working drones.
"Dude this is serious," Warlock grabbed McD by the arm, "we need to check the reactors. If nothings maintaining them, there could be trouble."
"Indeed, lets go."
A few hours later the two had determined that the reactors were working fine, but there were no drones in operation at all.
"So what do we do?"
"Well, there's no immediate danger, so lets see if we can't fix some of these drones. If they're self repairing, they might have instructions on how to fix their landing platform as well."
"Ok, lets try. But if we haven't figured this out by sundown tomorrow we go up and tell someone."
And so they began their work. McDanish began opening one of the lesser damaged ones, looking for areas that needed repairing or replacing. Warlock began scrounging for drone carcasses that they could canibalise to fix the others.
Cassandra Edwards excused herself from Reza's office slightly early this evening, saying she had an old friend coming to visit. She returned home and accepted her visitor just before 9. The two spoke for a few hours, then her visitor passed her a package, a modified hacktool with extended range. Her visitor then departed.
"We're almost there. Just a little further."
R minus 1 day...
Centuri was glad he was not sleeping. By morning light, the canyon was infested. Communication signals were jammed and they were in trouble. Scythe-bots were pouring across the cliffs, Beta Warbots were marching on their position, those annoying artillery cannons were slowly rolling their way, and Ceres War Veterans were standing on the clifftops like something out of Shaka Zulu. Not a shot had been fired, but they were here, and Centuri was not going to lose this time.
Ithaqua and the others had reached Regants Fortress. They decided to take a day off from hunting and set up camp in the field south west of the generep. It was a nice flat space with little creature population. Hurricane, not being one to just sit around, decided to start wandering further west, using his cloaking device rather than his gun when trouble arose. The rest set up camp, watched Eva do her morning lapdance for whoever was closest, and peeping on Lisa and Trillian as they got undressed in their tents. Ithaqua just kicked back and enjoyed the moment.
Wannabe was not enjoying a single moment. The more he dug, the more he realised this landslide had been orchestrated. At 2 in the afternoon he discovered the broken tip off a CityAdmin subwave drill. At 4:30pm LVirus found the coattails off a Monks jacket. And as the workshift came to a close, neither was leaving. There was something not far off and they were going to find it.
Danae had found it. The door at the end of the corridor. Not caring what was on the other side, just wanting to end their 3 day trek, she opened it leaving SpikeZ to haul in their luggage. When he arrived his eyes met with the following sight:
Chemicals lined one wall, and workbenches the other. There was no one present aside from the two of them, but it was evident that people had been here, and recently. They investigated the workbench. It was obvious they had been mixing the chemicals here, but for what purpose? Danae was about to move on when SpikeZ spotted a small package behind part of the bench. He reached for it and brought it to sight. It was an explosive. A chemical composite bomb to be exact. Suddenly the realisation that the two had walked into something much bigger than they ever intended smacked them round the ears, and they knew they were in trouble. They were deliberating their next move when a door at the other end of the room opened. A Psi-monk, with face covered, entered and stopped short.
"Who...who are you!!!" the monk said.
"Hey, I know that voice... its ... um.... oh come on help me out..." SpikeZ started trying to 'guess that voice', but the Monk wasn't waiting. It dived out of the room, and the door slammed shut and locked. But not before an active bomb rolled in. SpikeZ went to pick it up but Danae grabbed him and hauled him out the rear door, which from this side was obviously a hidden exit. They dived out into the corridor just as the bomb went off and the two dived to the ground.
"SpikeZ sweetie, you have really got to learn to sense danger better."
"Danger? But that monk left that for us."
"Yes, to KILL us."
"Oh come on, he just met us." Danae rolled her eyes. SpikeZ had this ridiculous love for all people and never believed they could be bad. One day she would knock that realisation into him. But now was not the time. Danae knew who that was, and with the knowledge that that monk was armed with composite explosives, she knew there would be trouble. It had taken 2 days downslope to walk to the room. They would need to make haste to get back in time to warn anyone.
Reza was taking much of the day to just bask in the peoples joy. The declarations of the 4th of July celebrations for tomorrow had greatly picked up city morale. And the message from NEXT indicating that his pet project was completed was picking up his morale. And the silk teddie that Cassandra was wearing was picking up the Little Dictators morale. Life was good.
Life sucked. Standing there in that silk teddie, about to give herself over to Reza's Little Dictator (and yes she did mean little) was one of the degrading parts of her job that she had accepted for all these years. But her break started tomorrow, why couldn't she just go home? She closed her eyes as Reza approached and the lights went out.
The lights came on.
"Hey I found a lightswitch!" McDanish yelled.
"Thanks man, that helps a lot." Warlock had grown tired of scrounging for drones, only to find them by tripping over them. The light showed two more just a few steps to his right, so he walked over to them. Then he stooped to pick them up and stopped dead in his tracks. McDanish was called over.
"Look." McDanish looked, and he saw. The drones had the scorch marks that only Copbot Rifles leave.
"What the hell happened down here."
"It might not be a good idea to report this." McDanish stated.
"For once, thats an obvious statement that I wanted to hear." Warlock grabbed the drones, and they got back to work on the repairs.
Sid was abruptly hauled from his cell and dragged onto a balcony overlooking the gate to the city. His eyes, while blurry, still widened at the sight. The sight of the military power before him was overwhelming.
"You know, Reza assumed that he had crushed the majority of our forces during the last campaign. And he'd be right," Garn Warner, Military Commander of Dome of York was speaking, "but the majority was not all. I still possess an army greater than any Neocron can put together. And come noon tomorrow, I shall unleash them." Sid could only look on stunned. Finally words formed.
"Why am I here?"
"You were requested." Sid looked at him strangely.
"Yes. You shall see. Take him to his new quarters." Sid was taken to an actual apartment. It was comfortable, though messy, and a fair improvement over his cell. He went back to sleep, to await the dawn.
Darkness fell on the wastelands.
Reza, under the escort of several STORM bots, exited his apartment and walked the streets. Runners were in such a buzz over the days festivities, they seemed to have forgiven him everything they'd normally have thrown boulders at him for. Food and drink was plentiful, and Pepper park had an abundance of sushi, special and otherwise.
MoonUnit, sensing sushi, decided now would be a good time to visit the lower plain. The other EGOS felt they might as well come along. But something was wrong. MoonUnit started to look concerned, as one after the other, they all tried to warp to the Lower Plain. And failed.
"It is done, my Master," Teh Bunneh spoke, "the Lower plain cannot be accessed by the EGOS or The DEVS. They are alone." and the grin began to grow.
Hurricane had allowed his impetuousness to get the better of him. He was now stuck on the roof of a wood hut, alongside the swamp road leading west from Regant's Fortress, surrounded by aggressors and Swamp Stranglers. He sent a call to his clanmates to come give him a hand, but they were still going to be a good 2 hours away. So he huddled down on the roof to wait, occasionally taking potshots at anything that got too close.
Centuri and NDA stood tense. Since an hour earlier, the forces of Dome had stopped moving. They just stood poised to move.
"Why are they here? Do they want us so bad?" Omega Res asked.
"No, last time they passed by Tech Haven because they had a secret plan to knock out their turrets. This time I'm guessing that won't work, so they're coming down this way, past us and then past Twilight Guardians." Centuri responded.
"And TG will just..."
"let them walk right past, yeah. Make sure everyone's got lots of ammo. They're gonna need it."
"I don't think I can fix these little guys by myself." McDanish stated.
"Yeah, I'm having no luck here either." They both dropped their tools and sat down in silence.
"Maybe we can sneak one or two out, and get the others to help. Then we can return here with them."
"Suppose thats an idea. Lets take a breather then head on out." Warlock replied. Again they sat in silence. Warlock suddenly thought he heard something new. A whining sound, like something powering up, and then a regular bleep.
"Dunno." McDanish replied. They both got up to look. Suddenly, Warlock came upon the source.
"Oh.... hell. This is all starting to make the kind of sense that sucks."
"What?" McDanish ran over, only to wish he hadn't, "is that a bomb?" the bleeping device was connected to a very large container of composite explosives.
"Yep. Now we know why the drones were purposely shot down. This is a sabotage operation."
"But why? Why would Copbots be part of a mission to sabotage the reactors that power the city."
"If the city had been betrayed." Warlock grumbled.
"Well can we disarm it?"
"We got about 2 hours. Even if we went for help from people who knew how, and we're still not sure who's behind this, we can't make it back again in 2 hours."
"So fine, lets get outta here before we get fragged."
"Dude, this bomb is here for a reason. To put the whole city up Sh*t creek. If we can't find a way to at least limit its effects, then running outta here won't help. Besides, remember the walls surrounding the reactors?"
"Yeah, the deutrithium barriers."
"Well no explosion could get through those, so we only have to get outside the reactor containers. So we can save ourselves. But how do we save the reactors?"
"Well, look. There's only this one bomb right? So if we close the connector doors, the other 4 reactors won't get damaged. It'll be bad, but at least they'll be ok." McDanish suggested.
"True, but that doesn't completely save us. See the reactors are all connected, feeding power between the 5 of them in a sort of loop to generate more. So if one goes, the loop is broken."
"And the rest are useless. DAMNIT!!!"
"Well hang on McD, therein lies our hope." Warlock had that glimmer.
"Huh? What hope?"
"If we can reroute the connections from this reactor so that the other 4 are the loop and this one is excluded, then seal the doors, the reactors will continue to run."
"Ok, so lets get started then." And the two got to work.
Cassandra Edwards was sitting in her Reveler jeep, not far from Tech Haven, looking back on Neocron. She took a sip of Blue Poisongland Chardonay '42 and reached for her specialised hack tool. She entered a command and pushed execute.
Simon and Ulam were too close to the control centre. They were killed instantly in the blast. The entire control centre was annihilated in the blast. The survivors began digging through the rubble, while one contacted Reza.
Reza nearly crapped himself at the news. He returned to his apartment immediately and got on the city PA system. This was one message he had thought he'd never need to give.
"Citizens, may I have your attention please. It pains me to have to announce this on what was looking like being such a festive day, but announce it I must. This message also goes out to the wastelands and I hope all runners, enemies included, might hear it. A few minutes ago in a cowardly attack, the Tangent branch of Genetic Replicator Control was attacked and bombed. The control nexus inside was destroyed. As a consequence; the following will affect you all.
Firstly, it will be impossible to teleport anywhere using the generep system. All travel will need to be done on foot or by vehicle (groans went up from the world). Secondly, if you lose your backpack during this time, it will not be remotely tagged with a recaller. Thus you will not be able to gain your inventory back through the genereps (a few people stopped trying). Thirdly and most importantly... if you are killed during this down time, there will be no replicators to lock on and clone you back. As a result, anyone who dies during this time will experience perma-death (at this, the populace broke into a cold sweat. Centuri and NDA looked on the fields of Dome forces in renewed horror at the realisation that they were stuck, and that if they died today, it would be the end)." Reza deactivated the PA system, but suddenly a new voice broke through:
"Citizens," and Reza went pale, "I believe you have all heard of my little present for you all," Reza began to sweat hard, "I hope you all are enjoying it," and Reza realised he'd never loathed a voice as much as he was loathing Cassandra's voice right now.
"I have bombed the Generep control unit. You can all choose to risk your lives to come and get me, or you can choose to hide in the 'safe zones' till the crisis is over. Its your choice..."
Having heard the announcement in the Subway, Wannabe and LVirus were about to pull out, but the last of the new rubble fell away. They both looked on in horror. Several composite explosives were seeded behind it, and were ticking down to zero fast. The two fled the tunnels. Wannabe began broadcasing, but there was no one listening to him...
"... but it may be hard to stay where you are. For here comes my second present..."
The timers ran to zero and the charges blew. The ground in Pepper Park 2 heaved upwards in a groan and then exploded upwards. Windows shattered, strippers were killed and copbots buried in debris. The Black Dragons HQ entrance was caved in. And then they came.
It suddenly became clear what the noises were people had been reporting in Pepper Park. The bots that Wannabe had sealed off several months ago had remained in the tunnel. And now they had a way out. Swarms of Scythe bots and Ceres Veterans began pouring through the gash in Pepper Park and began to annihilate everything in sight. Runners fled for their apartments, only to have Scythe bots tear through the walls after them. In the initial assault, 43 runners were perma-killed.
"...have fun Reza." she smirked.
"You Bitch!!" he broadcast back, not caring who heard, "you dare turn on Neocron? You dare turn on me? And today of all days?"
"You're damn right. I have had it with this city. I run the whole city, me, by myself, yet all the credit goes to you and all the blame comes to me. And I will never miss having to go down under your desk you pig." (the citizens raised eyebrows, but few were suprised).
"You will die screaming Edwards. I shall see to that."
"Oh, I don't think so. You have Dome forces spreading out through Pepper Park, runners perma-dying, and close to a million Dome troops marching from the north as we speak. You think you have time to catch me?"
"Lets find out." He went to order the release of an X-borg unit to hunt her down.
"Yes, lets. Whats a good act of treason without trump cards eh? Time I played my big one." Reza paused, "you wanted to celebrate July 4th? Independence day? Well you got it wrong. Today is R day. Today is the day I see out the last wishes of the last true leader of Neocron. Today I unleash the contents of Regants Legacy upon thee!" In a convulsive frenzy she hammered the controls. And the wastelands shook.
"Thats the signal. Unleash the army!" Garn Warner yelled.
Centuri was the first to fire, and NDA followed suit as the forces of the Dome flooded towards them. There was no turning back.
The gates of Regants Legacy and all its restraints were blown to kingdom come. The Legacy was laid wide open, and its contents began to march.
Reza's command panel indicated the Legacy was open. Suddenly showing his age, he collapsed in his seat, old and weary. He knew what was in there, and the horror of it overwhelmed him.
NUTS could be seen on the horizon, and Hurricane breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly, the earth around him shook and quaked and he was thrown from the roof to the waters below. Spluttering and dirty, he dragged himself to the bank. Expecting to be attacked again, he pulled his rifle ready to fight, but the creatures had fled. He walked back to the path and looked towards the legacy. And it was fortunate he was already wet, so that no one would ever see the piss stain forming.
Marching towards him were hundreds upon hundreds of PowerArmour wearing GenTanks. Each one was armed with either a Cursed Soul or a MoonStriker. And they were annihilating everything in sight. Hurricane sensing the danger activated his scope on his Redeemer and opened fire at range. Shot after shot flew and struck the nearest unit in the head. Not only did it not take damage, it didn't even slow down. Hurricane looked on in fear. But he didn't look for long as he began running his ass off to get away from the incoming missiles. He linked up with NUTS and in an out-of-breath kind of style gave them the heads up. They fell back to the base camp and acquired all their firepower and the Mechs. As a clan, they engaged the oncoming forces. Shot after shot from Pain Easer, Cursed Soul, Holy Lightning, Gat cannon, Redeemer, First Love and the Mechs slammed into their foes. And not a scratch was made.
"What directly the (censored) are these (censored) things" Eva began spitting out.
"Ok, I know its powerarmour, but COME ON. They're not taking little damage, they're taking NO Damage."
"Fall back... Now." Ithaqua pulled everyone away. The units began to split into two groups. One followed after them, heading to Neocron, the other marched North and, passing by TH, turned towards the Dome.
Cassandra drove onwards towards the Dome, her hair blowing in the wind, and smiling more than she ever had in the last 4 years.
"Ok, I'm ready, lets thread the cables through now." McDanish yelled.
"Ok, we'll do it one set at a time, to limit the power outtages."
"Got it." And they disconnected the first set.
The city blacked out completely. Emergency generators kicked in for basic systems (the radiation shield and communication networks to name two) but ultimately the city was pitched into chaos. And then the Scythe-bots struck. Those that were able activated their LaserSwords and held the line. The light from over 130 laserswords was enough to illuminate the battle in an eerie orange and blue.
Reza was giving orders as best he could in the confusion. He had ordered Megaman and CDV to overtake and kill Cassandra Edwards, so they moved on at great haste. He ordered Tangent clans to repair the generep controller and to check the Mainsewer power conduits. They promptly reported that the Mainsewer conduits were fine. This left Reza to worry about why the power was failing. The only reason he could think of was a cut in the power supply. But when the power came on again for a short time, he feared that something had happened to the reactors. At that moment, a call came through from Ithaqua.
"Reza, we got trouble out here. There's these Gentank things heading our way..."
"Yes I know, the DeltaGens."
"Oh well, like it matters now. The Gentanks you see walking the streets these days are GammaGens, the 3rd generation of Gentank, designed for combat, but capable of acting within a society as a member, albeit a stupid member. The ones you see before you are DeltaGens, the 4th generation. They were designed during the Ceres war as the final weapon. Ammoral killing machines. Just point them at a target and they will annihilate it. They do not age, they do not need food. They just need air and ammo. Furthermore, at the time of their creation a freak accident created a special alloy for their powerarmour that has never been duplicated. That armour is indestructible."
"Oh gee, and someone saw fit to deploy such things?"
"Regant wanted to win. I think you're experiencing his desperation right now aren't you?"
"As you said, their armour is indestructible, but they are not. Our Aggressive Monk Diesel has found a way to destroy them."
"What? The entire army of York couldn't do that... how?"
"As you said, all they need is air and ammo. And to get air, that suit has airholes. So it is possible to get fire into their suits to kill the DeltaGen inside. He's using a Fire Apocalypse, but he's only one man. We could use some help to help kill off the rest."
"Fire you say? Good work NUTS, I have just the thing. We may survive this one yet. Get your people clear."
"This is Reza to NEXT special projects. I am authorising the use of the project now. Proceed to these co-ordinates and destroy the targets."
A gate in the city wall, half a mile above the ground opened up and from it spewed 12 NEXT FireWreathes. Each one was a long range combat aircraft, the first flying combat vehicle built in Neocron ever. Each fighter packed 4 Plasma Plasma Cannons and a full payload of Napalm Missiles. The fighters formed up and came down to 100 ft above the surface. They quickly located the targets and unloaded on the ravine they were in. Hundreds of DeltaGens were engulfed in fire and they fell. NUTS cheered on as the fighters flew overhead, then banked east and returned home. They then entered a holding pattern around the city.
"They're destroyed? Excellent, maintain patrol around the city until we can solve this power failure to the Wall shields." Reza had hope once again. He had already dispatched the rockets containing 3 squads of X-borgs at the gate to Dome of York. They would not last long, but they would cause chaos. CDV was hot on Cassandra's heels, and the brave souls in the city had already begun to look like they might conquer the bots belching forth from Pepper Park 2. But the last transmission from NDA said they weren't out of the woods yet.
"Ok, 4 more sets of cables and we're done!" McDanish yelled, "How much time?"
"47 minutes." Warlock called back. They carried forward.
"Will this tunnel never end?" Danae panted. She and SpikeZ had been running all night long and were still unable to reach anyone.
"Just keep running honey, we've got no other choice."
"The East walls collapsing! Take cover!" The wall of Soliko crumbled and the defenders fled back. NDA was still fighting and were still all accounted for, thanks to the fact that their attackers weren't all that interested in them. The Dome forces were flooding past them, heading for Neocron, and were only attacking in passing. NDA saw it their duty to kill as many as possible, but were not going to risk perma-death to do so. The wall collapsing seemed like a sign to retreat to the underground section. Only Centuri remained above as the scout, under cover.
Dome forces were flooding hard and fast towards the city walls. Only a few were prepared to defend from the outside of the wall, as the last time had been a slaughterhouse, saved only by the Genereps. Thus the FireWreathes were the first line of defense. They were ordered to assault the column on its way towards the city, and assault they did. With every pass, hundreds of Dome forces were lost. The fighters were exceeding expectation. Meanwhile, Reza was gathering all CityAdmin clans to him and selecting specific personel to go to a special room full of terminals beneath CityAdmin.
NUTS returned to the city, and joined the gate defense for a short time, but battered and weary, they feared they were not combat ready any longer, so re-entered the city.
Wannabe linked up with NUTS once they returned, and told them of all that had been going on.
"So Edwards has screwed us all?" Ithaqua asked.
"Damn straight. Nearly killed me and LVirus."
"Um, Wanna, wheres Warlock and McDanish?"
Despite the air barrage, the forces of the Dome drew closer. This was largely due to the emergence of what had been causing the dustclouds. Dome of York had unleashed Hovertanks. Shrouded in dust and much faster than everything else, the fighters were having a much harder time destroying them. As a result, York forces were able to bring their artillery to bear on the wall. The defenders fled and it looked like breaching time.
"That's it, last one! Connected!" McDanish slammed the cable together, and the 4 generators were connected. The city had guaranteed power again.
"We're out of time, lets go!" Warlock grabbed him and pulled him towards the door. The gates had been set to shut 5 seconds before the bomb was set to go. The two ran towards the gate, which had begun to close. Just at the very last, they both tripped on some of the broken drones. Warlock tucked his arm and rolled on, sliding through the gap. McDanish fell. He looked at the now closed door, and then at the timer.
"This can't be good. . . "
The bomb detonated and the city shook. Warlock was catapulted by the force into the wall behind him and lost consciousness. The 5th generator was destroyed, but power remained.
The artillery opened fire at the wall. The shield flickered and then powered up. The artillery fire bounced off harmlessly. In the next pass, the FireWreathes annihilated the artillery. Cheers from the citizens went up as the Dome forces, seeing that the shield was not down as promised, turned to flee. Hundreds of runners, now fueled by hope and adrenalin, ran out and grabbed their Mechs and began the pursuit, under the air cover of the city's saving graces.
Centuri saw an opening and climbed down from Soliko. The forces had left a gap, which he passed through unnoticed, and he set course for Dome of York.
Cassandra pulled up just in front of the Dome. Behind her marched the DeltaGens. Garn looked out perplexed.
"Well this is certainly unexpected. You bring me new troops as well?"
"Not quite, Garn. I bring these troops to kill you." and Cassandra began her second act of treachery. The DeltaGens poured towards the Dome, and the Dome forces, split between defending the Dome and retreating from Neocron, fought back as best they could.
"Alright, its time," Reza yelled to the terminal room, "HackNet is activated, BEGIN!!!" And the handpicked hackers of CityAdmin began to remote hack. The transmission was beamed through the Uplinks through to Dome of York. In an instant, they hacked the pop-up turrets of the Dome and took control of them. And then Reza's grin returned.
The turrets opened fire on everything. The Dome forces caught between, to their mind, invincible DeltaGens, and their own turrets were quickly obliterated. The DeltaGens then wrecked the turrets, and proceeded inside to annihilate the populace.
Sid, seeing his guards distracted, took this opportunity to kill them. He then fled into the corridor to be confronted by the DeltaGens. They looked at him, and stepped aside. Confused, he carried on. The DeltaGens then carried out their act of genocide.
Cassandra cackled away as her forces flooded into the Dome, spilling a river of blood. Her funtime was cut short, as Centuri appeared behind her and demanded she take her hands off the controls. She obeyed.
"Damn you. You would unleash Armageddon on us, just to kill them?"
"No you fool, I unleash Armaggedon to rule them. You're looking at the Queen of the Dome." and she grinned.
"Actually I'm looking at a corpse with nice make-up..." and he took aim.
"Finally I got a signal!" Danae exclaimed, she activated full broadcast, "attention all Neocron. I don't know how late we are reporting this but we discovered a plot to bomb the city (there were no suprises to this news). We found out that the bombers (Centuri paused to listen) were CDV. I repeat, Megaman's CDV planted the bombs. I heard Psycho Killa down in the place where they made the bombs (Reza broke into a cold sweat again)."
Centuri took aim, but it was for nothing. He was shot from behind by Megaman.
"Welcome to your new home, my General." Cassandra sneered. Megaman grinned, and killed Centuri.
"I think we're gonna like it here." and the new lords of the Dome entered their new home. Cassandra promptly found and confronted Sid, offering him the position to head up their Assassination Guild. He did not decline. And the grin of MJS grew.
Centuri respawned in Plaza 1.
"What the hell? I thought that was it?"
"We got the control unit working again, looks like just in time." One of the techs reported.
"Not quite in time." Warlock, injured and covered in dust, carrying a large burden over his shoulder emerged through the covered hole in the wall.
R plus 1 day...
Reza ordered another squadron of FireWreathes created, and a special team to begin repairs to the reactor and the pump stations, based on Warlock's report. Warlock himself was asked to head the team, but for the time being, he was otherwise engaged.
Danae and SpikeZ were asked to show the location of the bomb lab, but they demanded a rest and some form of transportation before braving that walk again.
The Powerarmour suits from the deceased DeltaGens was melted down and forged into the new casing for the GeneRep control unit, to ensure such an incident could not be easily replicated.
The burial took place just south of Tech Haven, McDanish's original home. A simple gravestone can be found there, simply enscribed
"McDanish. In Memorium. This is A Gravestone. It signifies that there is a grave here" His friends felt it needed to be obvious.
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 031
A Biology Lesson
Hello Boys and Girls, today we have a very special reporter. He got out of BED just to write this article. Professor Francis Markom of the Biotech Ecology Department has for a long time mentioned to the NERD staff that he wanted to educate the populace about the origins of the creatures we all see every day. So, to that end, we now begin our very informative look into the History of the Creatures of Neocron...
Hello children. This is Professor Markom here, to give you all an itty bitty lesson about where Sewer Rats came from. (one of the NERD offices coffee runners reads over the Professors shoulder at this point and starts running to find NERD Editor) Long ago in the streets, sewers and subways, on the wharfs and in the coffee containers throughout the city of New York, there were rats. Not the naughty waughty wats...err... rats that we know today, but the much smaller and less dangerous versions. They were usually no bigger than two hands long and looked like a big turd with eyes and a tail. Now, after the cleansing light, these creatures were part of the surviving populace of the worlds ecology. However, their normal food supply of garbage and human wastes was rather limited.
(Note from Editor: I messaged Professor Markom around about now. The conversation went like this:
NERD Editor: Professor, I've had an employee inform me of your writing style.
Prof. Markom: Yes, the children should be able to relate to my hip yet easy to understand phrasings.
NERD Editor: Professor, no children read our articles. You're writing this report for war-hardened adults.
Prof. Markom: Oh... thats... bugger.
From this point on he will stop treating you like a 3 year old, or, you know... Ben.)
Most of it was irradiated and not fit even for rat consumption. Having no choice, the rats turned on themselves. In a sick canabalistic feeding frenzy, rat-kind munched down on rat-kind. This change to a purely carnivourous diet was not without problems. Though the rats ingestion system was able to digest meat, it was not meant to do without vegetation. Thus, years of poor eating caused the rats to form skin lesions, their teeth to deteriorate, and the pupils of their eyes to completely white out. The only advantages were that their remaining teeth were over time formed into the sharpened form of carnivours, and their added protein intake caused them to grow larger and larger.
In the course of time, the vegetation began to recover, and the rats were able to begin ingesting the necessary minerals and vitamins they needed for healthy living. They maintained their excessive size, and their taste for flesh, and their bodies are fairly weak, but they are growing healthier.
The Ceres Discs made mention that should a Nuclear War destroy the world, the only surviving things would be the Roaches and Michael Jackson. It seems they were right on both counts. Roaches have remained untouched for millions of years, and chances are when we have killed ourselves off, the city of Neocron will be populated by Roaches (probably under the control of a Dictator Roach... somethings will never change.)(NERD Apologises to CityAdmin, we don't wanna get shot. Shoot the Professor, its his fault)(Hey...)(Write your damn article Markom).
Many have speculated that the dragonflies of today are the offspring of the dragonflies of old, just made bigger by years of radiation. The truth is that no amount of radiation makes a creature bigger. It makes their cancerous tumors bigger, and makes them dead, but not bigger. In fact, the truth about the dragonflies is far more horrifying. The original creatures we knew as Dragonflies actually died off during the Cleansing Light and became an extinct species. Their story ended there, but anothers story began.
For while radiation does nothing for creatures, it does wonders for virus'. Yes, there was a virus back in those days called 'Influenza' or the Flu for short. Seeing that the human race was by far and large wiped out, and that to strike down the survivors would probably not get it very far, Influenza, empowered by radiation splicing its Ribonucleac acids (RNA) it began to mutate into a different strain, the Flidenza virus. This virus did not need to enter a host to cause damage, it just latched onto the skin of any living creature and ciphoned materials to duplicate itself. Then, instead of multiplying the virus and spreading, it stuck together and formed bonds between the individual virus, forming a larger cluster of virus cells. Eventually the virus became large enough to be seen by the naked eye and was named Drifensia, the drifting pain. Acting much like a mosquito, it would continue to latch onto anything that lived and grab what it needed to continue its growth.
After a time, time, and an ad break, the Drifensia became the size of what the common housefly used to be before the Cleansing Light. At this time, it developed a digestive system and began to feed. The people of that time lived in terror of this new horror. Fast, small and ravenous, the 'Dragons Spawn' began biting at human flesh, leaving burning contusions on their victims. With the taste of flesh, blood, and most importantly a source of Deoxyribonucleac Acids (DNA) the Dragons Spawn began to fully develop as a living organism, including sexual reproductive organs. Once the Dragons Spawn figured out that you had to find a Dragons Spawn of the opposite sex (a few too many incidents took place trying to figure that one out) they began to breed and grow. And so it was that the Dragons Spawn, fully grown to the size of a small bird, able to reproduce at will and bloodthirsty, were loosed upon the world. Their shape and form were highly similar to the images of Dragonflies on the Ceres Discs, so when the discs were discovered, the great minds of the time automatically assumed they were the same things. And thus the name DragonFlies came to be. But you know the truth; the only way to beat Dragonflies is with bedrest and a nice hot drink (cause you all know you can't shoot the tiny little bastids).
Mutants & Aggressors:
It seems I do not need to detail where these beings are coming from. Apparently NERD Editor in a previous Issue explained the 'foul' origins of this poor toilet race.
(At this point the Professor decided to take a leak on the office potplant. He unfortunately left his keyboard unattended, and one of the janitors decided to add his two cents)
I don't know whats up with these things man. I hear dogs used to be mans best friend right, but... like in the times of BETA 2 (If I have to explain what that stands for again, someones gonna die. Ned) those dogs were like huge man, teeth as big as swords, crap as big as me and a johnson that... well, its not likes I was staring or nothin...
(the Janitor was subdued by security at this point and forced to clean up the good Professors tinkle spills)
Now the origin of... oh, I already did this, must be getting forgetful... oh well, time to move on then.
Perhaps one of the strangest creatures in terms of origins. Believe it or not, Launcher Cyclops are actually quite a new breed. What happened was: once upon a time there was a clan of runners known as Phlebs. Now one day these runners were given possession of some early model hoverbikes, and they decided to go cruising at 300 mph. Unfortunately, during a synching incident, they were propelled across 2 sectors and into a rocket testing dump in the Wastelands. The resulting mess of hover technology, rocket packs and flesh could not be returned to normal, so good ol' Professor X was called in. After repeatedly yelling "I'm a Constructor, not a Plastic Surgeon", he was talked into attempting to set things right. He failed (yes, it was at that time that The DEVS introduced Construction Fails) and as a result the misshappen Launcher Cyclops were born. Their first action was to annihilate the good Professor, but thats another story. Now they live and breed by assimilating flesh and busted hoverbikes. Its a sad truth: When cruising the Wastelands, don't zone, or you may endure a fate worse than death.
When I thought I was writing this article for kiddies, I deleted this section due to its disturbing nature, but now I need to add it back. Readers of NERD will be familiar with the antics of Vain. What you may not know is that Vain's Grandfather, Pompous, once tried to screw a small spider. Unfortunately he succeeded in propogating it and after 17 weeks (small spiders incubation period) it gave birth to Vain's Uncle, a hideous half breed. Spider from the waist up, man from the waste down, it was a true freak of nature. Unfortunately for it, Pompous was clumsy and stepped on it immediately after birth, thus ending its life. However, 20 years later, Vain's father, Arrogance, repeated his fathers mistake and found a Spider Queen. After boinking it repeatedly, he got it knocked up and it gave birth to the very first Arachnid. That's right folks, the first Arachnid is Vain's brother, and the one's we fight are his neices and nephews. Its a twisted family. We're petitioning to have Vain castrated as we speak.
Now here's an interesting creature. There are many false theories about them. Some believe that they are pure machines, this is wrong. Some believe that Dome of York scientists made them along with the Warbots, this is false. Others believe that Fallen Angel Scientists screwed up and made them, this too is false. The truth is this. During the Cleansing Light, a group of car fanatics hid a large number of Chevrolet's in a cave. However, during the war, the cave was partially affected, and many of the fanatics became fused to the chassis of the cars. Over time, they came to overcome this little problem and were able to move around the cave. After 300 years of breeding, the children of these fanatics were born part car, with an oil intake system in their backs and an exhaust pipe up there... never mind.
Now, as technology improved, so to did the fanatics offspring. They found that they were able to upgrade themselves to have 'more power'. They enhanced their epidermal layers to form a nice chrome finish. They did away with the use of their legs in favour of a hover system. And again, over time and a donut, they encased their entire organic being in an outer hull of steel. Then they altered their breeding pattern to self clone part of their genetic makeup inside a loading bay hanger where once their asses had been, enfuse it with technological parts, and fart out another child. And through this process of technological crappage, there came into being bigger and better turds... err children that could fly higher, move further, crap bigger and live longer. But as veterans of BETA will remember, the original Hoverbots were incredibly weak, being ranked only 1 bar, and could be killed with one bullet, and they were killed a lot. The survivors banded together and began eating Tech Haven Turrets for resources and then Warbots for firepower and evolved into the monsters we know today.
This is the most frightening creature of all. Have you ever watched a TerrorMauler when it fights, how on top of the fire and the pain, they keep lunging forward? Ever wondered why? Well tracing their descendancy was tricky but it has been done. It seems in the year 2005 an annoying little man in the old USA entered the first ever form of cryo-stasis. He endured this process for many a year until just before the Cleansing Light came. He exited the tube, but the doctors realised that, being such an energetic and annoying man, he had far too much pent up energy, and he began to start belching fire to vent this energy. In the course of the doctors investigation of this phenomenon, the Cleansing Light came, and the little man was thrown by an explosion into a laboratory filled with DNA samples which he became infected by. Strains of Labrador, Rhinoscerous and Giraffe became one with him and his shape mutated into the first form of the TerrorMauler, much smaller, but in all respects the same creature. Still venting fire out of every orifice, this creature stalked the radiated lands till it came upon a field of surviving vegetation. The creature ate the entire field in two mouthfuls. Then it realised that the field was that of halapenio peppers and the fire belching got worse. It also caused the creature to bend over and unleash a giant fireball that actually contained its first child. For the doctors had known even before the mutation that the annoying personwas neither man nor women, but a gender completely of its own (though it insisted on being called a man) and that the only way it would ever have a child was if it learned to make one by itself. And so it was that the race of TerrorMaulers learned to produce asexually and took over the deserts. Who would have thought one annoying little person who didn't want to die and had too much energy from all that aerobics would create such a species. Damn you Richard Simmons, you've doomed us all.
(The Professor started doing Richard Simmons impersonations around about now, so we threw him out of the building).
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 032
Robert & Pie
Recently, the offices of NERD Inc. were beseiged for several weeks, causing a delay in service. This beseigement was in the form of petitioning and protesting by the Culture Revitilisation Association of Neocron's Knowledgeable Yuppies or CRANKY for short. As a result, after fighting a losing battle all this time, NERD is proud to bring you (under duress) a tale we had not intended to tell, of love and hate, of bitter rivalries and star-crossed runners...
[Scene: Zone 28, Null Sector of the Universe]
[Enter NERD Editor (hereby known as Narrator)]
Narrator: Two clanholds, both alike in dignity
In Fair Neocron, where we lay our scene
From pointless grudge to new anarchy,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes (no kinky thoughts here people),
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows (what did I just say?)
Doth (doth?) with their death bury their parents' strife (and themselves),
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage, (parents with issues)
Which, but their children's end, naught could remove (obviously no family therapy around...)
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient eyes read,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
[Narrator departs and takes a Panadol]
[Scene: Nowhere in particular in the Wastelands]
[Enter Maegis Taran, philosopher and Monk]
Maegis: Ahh, be it a good day for walking, for talking, for talking to thine self.
[Enter Dajuda, who beareth a headache]
Dajuda: What doth thou havest against I? Whyest musteth thou torture mine mind?
Maegis: Foul fiend, I hurt thee not, now begone like the blackard that thou is!
(Dajuda pulls out the script with Cliff notes and finds out what a 'blackard' is)
Dajuda: You insult me sir! I demand satisfaction *pulls of Psi Gauntlet and slaps Maegis across the face with it*
Maegis: Hate at thee scoundrel *the two fight*
[Enter Ithaqua, Leader of NUTS]
[Enter Evil-Eye, Leader of GEF]
Ithaqua: What sorcery possesses thee? Leave my man be!
Evil-Eye: Nay! You and yours hath started this!
Ithaqua: Do you bite your thumb at me sir?
(Everyone stops and pulls out the script and cliff notes. After determining that biting one's thumb is an insult, they carry on)
Evil-Eye: Aye, I bite my thumb at you sir! *bites thumb, fingernail flies off and strikes Ithaqua in the eye*
Ithaqua: NUTS!!! To me!
Evil-Eye: Flood! Fire! Fiends!!
Narrator: Nice alliteration!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!
Narrator: Sorry. *everyone fights for a time till the curtain falls and hits a lot of them*
[Scene: Robert Bliss' Plaza 3 Apartment. Robert sits by the window, sighing to himself]
[Enter Maegis, far less philosophical and far more bruised than a scene ago]
Maegis: A triple-damned curse on those GEF, for they striketh like wenches, softly, but beloweth the belt. What troubles thee, my young Robert?
Robert: I fear my heart is broken, dear Maegis.
Maegis: Well we can just repair it and reimplant it... and don't call me dear.
Robert: No, this loneliness I feel within me, makes my chest ache and my knees weak. If only I could pluck it from my chest!
Maegis: Again I sayeth, get the implant tool.
Robert: Here me Maegis. I long for the love of a true woman, but none can be found.
Maegis: Ohhhhh, now I see *Maegis finishes implanting his eye* Now, what were thou saying?
Robert: If only one could live without woman! Would not life be so much simpler?
Maegis: Not really, then you'd spend the rest of your life with your hands in your pants.
(Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "VULGAR TRUTH!!!!")
Robert: I shall never leaveth this room again, I cannot beareth the pain.
Maegis: There be a party, hosted by GEF this eve.
Robert: GEF, pah.
Maegis: Pah, yes, but should it not be fun to crasheth their festivities? Come, let us plague ourselves upon their merriment.
Robert: Very well, but only because you wish it.
[Scene: Plaza 3 Shops. Pie roams the shops looking for a bargain with her attendant DIO]
Pie: The party's tonight. I need to roxxor somebody's ballzor fast or my horny ass won't be able to take it.... sex....sex....sex.
DIO: M'Lady, thou shouldest followeth the script and behave proper.
Pie: ...Sex...Sex... what? What script? Oh.... sorry, fed it to my pet MechTurtle. Now where's the bitch that runs this shop? Ah here he is. How much for the push up bra battlevest?
Shopkeeper: That exquisite garment, that would wrappest itself around thine glorious figure as if it were....
Pie: Yeah yeah, quit tryin ta kiss my ass dude, whats the price?
Shopkeeper: ... 14, 978cr m'lady.
Pie: Aww come on, you can do me a better deal than that.
Shopkeeper: My apologies m'lady, but your humble servant couldn't possibly *Pie whips up her top and flashes the shopkeeper*
Shopkeeper: 5k m'lady. *they make the purchase, and Pie struts off to see if she can purchase a Dildo of Maven before lunch*
[Scene: GEF Party. Guards protect the entrance, but it be a Mask Party. All attendees come wearing special Helmet]
Maegis: See here! Now we shall play upon our unsuspecting hosts, ey Robert? Ro...Robert??? *looks around but cannot find Robert*
[Enter Maximillian Twilight]
Max: You there!! You don't belong here!
Maegis: Now would be an appropriate time to make a dramatic, yet subtle exit through arched doors yonder... *while talking to himself again, Maegis is captured and hauled out the back where he receives the beating of a lifetime*
[Scene: Top of stairwell. Robert is looking antsy]
Robert: All these fair maidens, and not a drop of love for I. The world is too cruel
[Enter Pie, wearing Megaman helmet, saying Eyyy to everyone she sees. She stops just next to Robert, but does not look at him]
Robert: Yes, the fine art of sex... where might I find a woman loving enough to impart sex upon me?
Pie: Sex... sex...
Robert: Where would I find a woman with enough love to repeatedly giveth me sex.
Pie: Sex ur ballz off luver-boy!!!
(the two turn to each other, and lift their masks. Perverse tongue sucking action ensues. Evil-Eye, Pie's father, begins to head their way)
Pie: Find me, and I'll roxxor ur world babey!!
Robert: Where goeth my Megaman shaped Angel??
Pie: I must flee, for my father be here!
Robert: Your father? *sees irate Evil-eye* Nooo, my sex-starved Angel is my mortal enemy!
Pie: (yells back) I'm open-minded to ALL forms of sex!
Robert: ... but I won't hold it against her.
[Scene: Alley behind GEF party]
Robert: Ahh, my sweet angel, I must see her again... eh.... Maegis? What r u doing in the trash?
Maegis: I have become one with my inner self!
Robert: Thine inner self is garbage?
Maegis: Never mind, who be this angel you uttereth about?
Robert: I hath seen her Maegis, she lighteth my life. But alas, she be GEF!!
Maegis: Woe to thee, how can she be your light of life?
Robert: *whispers her measurements to Maegis*
Maegis: You Must Pursue her!!!
Robert: Wish me well, my friend!
Maegis: Go forth and get booteh!! *members of CRANKY show up from the shadows to beat Maegis up for not following the script* NOOOOO.
[Scene: The Balcony Scene. Pie's doing her nails on the balcony. Robert is enjoying the view from below. Maegis is dying under a bush nearby]
Pie: Robert, oh, Robert, oh? Where's your monkey ass to give me sweaty pleasure?
*Robert stands at attention, in more ways than one*
Pie: Robert? Get yo ass up here and do it to me.... sex... sex
(At this point Evil-Eye enters Pie's room)
Pie: Crap, the olds is here! Meet me in secret tomorrow, and bring lubricant!
(Robert continues to stand at attention. Maegis, despite having 12 broken ribs, is silently cheering him on.
[Scene: Gratuitous Sex Scene in secret]
Narrator: Ohhhhh... yeah.... (the rest was edited out by CRANKY before publishing. Needless to say Pie and Robert got it on).
[Scene: Abbey of Crahn]
Some Monk dude: I hereby pronounce you husband and wife!
Pie: What? What happened? How'd I get here?
Robert: *points behind them at the Morality Police of CRANKY*
Robert: Well, I suppose being married won't be so bad, just another excuse to do more of what we were doing all night long *Robert starts gyrating*
Pie: *slaps hand to head* You mean for the 5 minutes before you fell asleep?
Robert: Say something hun?
Pie: I Don't wanna be married!! Forget it! I want a divorce!
CRANKY: Divorce is forbidden!
Pie: *hauls out spitfire and annihilates them, then pulls out stilleto and stabs Robert right where it hurts the most*
Robert: *Pulls knife out of wallet* Arghhh... Why? *dies*
Pie: No Divorce? Fine, I'll be a widow
Robert: *pulls his own stilleto and stabs Pie where it will hurt HER the most*
Pie: My breast implant!!! Noooo! *dies*
[Enter Ithaqua, Evil-Eye and Maegis]
Ithaqua: Nooo! Robert, my secret, illegitimate child!
Evil-Eye: Nooo! Pie, my well endowed daughter!!
Maegis: Nooo! My chance to make secret webcam home porno's!!
Everyone (including the corpses): WHat???
CLM: Talking while dead, TEMP KICKS!!! *boots all the dead folk into orbit*
Evil-Eye & Ithaqua: Maegis!! Why you little!! *both pull stiletto's and stab him in the only uninjured parts of his body*
Maegis: *dies* Argghh, my ballz!!
CLM: OI!!! TEMP KICK!!!
Ithaqua: Our children hath loved and died, perhaps we should follow in their footsteps?
Evil-Eye: Ok. *they embrace, then stab each other in the back*
CLM: DAMN YOU PEOPLE!!!
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 033
The Pants Virus
R Day plus 14 days...
In the two weeks following Cassandra Edwards betrayal and attack on the city, things had been on a wires edge. There was great distrust amongst the people, accusations, cursing, spitting and generally carrying on cranky. Lioon Reza had not left his office since that day, largely out of concern for what the people might do to him. The Black Dragons were being victimised since it was one of their clans that had gone over to work for Cassandra. Wannabe and LVirus had not been heralded as heroes for their actions by many, but NEXT command had seen fit to promote the two. Finally, Wannabe was going to get out of the subway.
The DEVS had continued to seal the Lower Realm, so the EGOS could do little but watch even now.
The wheels of war were spinning ever faster by the Dome. More weapons and new weapons were being created. Generals Megaman and Sid spent much of their days standing on the balcony overlooking their front yard, having maniacal laughter contests (you know the ones where one laughs with evil intent, then the next guy tries to do better and they keep doing this till they either start coughing or their heads turn a bright red and they collapse).
With McDanish gone, things were not as obvious as they once had been. Many now were unsure about what to think or who to trust. Worse still was the damage to the city from yet another war was causing glitches in even the most basic of systems. At times it seemed all of Neocron was bugged up the waazoo (Big Red Subtitles slam down "SAY IT AINT SO!!"). And with these 'bugs' came anger, with anger, came hostility, and with hostility came destruction.
Civil unrest exploded throughout the city. It was faction against faction, clan against clan, runner against runner against that nasty rat that was humping Vain's leg... yes, things were very funked up.
Sitting on a rickety shanty house in the Outzone, listening to the den of hate and misery, a sole peaceful soul felt unhappy. SpikeZ, who had tried so hard to help his fellow Neocronians by warning them of the attack, had been unable to turn back the rage that had followed. Being a lover of peace, truth, justice, candy apples and Danae, it broke his Experimental heart to see the city that had just survived another war, at war with itself. And so it was that with Danae trying to contact The DEVS to bring order to the world, SpikeZ was left alone with his thoughts:
"99 datacubes on the wall, 99 empty datacubes. If one of those cubes should happen to blow, a bug will just dupe it and hey, there you go. 99 datacubes on the ... *sigh* oh I wish there was something I could do, something that could stop the hate. I don't understand hate. I've never experienced hate. I love." And SpikeZ paced around on the rickety roof wondering what he could do. Suddenly it occured to him. Ever since he had sniffed the 'Gas of Pacifism', an ancient relic of the past, he had never felt bad feelings towards anyone. And so he figured if he released the cannister into the worlds atmosphere, it would surely have a calming effect on the world. He grabbed the cannister, the only memento of his childhood, from when he was found, an abandoned orphan, wrapped in a blanked and inserted like a suppository in a dead Marsh Hippo's anus, and cracked the seal, releasing the vapour into the air.
"Sweet, now everybody can live in pants..." and the smile fell away. In horror, he looked at the cannister and sure enough, it was not the Gas of Pacifism. It was actually the dreaded Pants Virus, that SpikeZ and Danae had been charged to protect with their lives. And all SpikeZ could do was look on in horror and know that Danae was gonna kill him for this...
Psycho Killa was running through Pepper Park, stunning unsuspecting runners in preparation for their imminent deaths. Psycho was standing around laughing when a Copbot snuck up from behind. Psycho spun around, worried, for she had not buffed up yet. The Copbot raised its rifle and in its mechanical voice yelled:
"Drop your Pants!"
"DROP YOUR PANTS!!"
"Uhhh... ooh k...." And Psycho, not wanting to be plastered across Pepper, dropped her pants. It would have perhaps been better if she had chosen death, for I'm not sure the "Megaman is My TeddyBear" panties have done her reputation any favours...
Throughout Plaza, runners who had come to shop were stopping in their tracks as the overhead PA system in the city went bezerk.
"Wherever you want to go, go in Pants..."
"PANTS, its where you live..."
"City Administration, for Neocron, for Reza, for your PANTS!"
"City Administration, Just Live, we take care of your pants."
"Archer & Wesson. Pants and more since 2618"
"Proto Pharma, Your Strength, Your Hope, Your Pants."
Runners who had been enjoying classic movies recovered from the Ceres Discs were horrified to find them affected as well.
"Luke, I'm wearing your Pants!"
"Don't try to wear the pants, that's impossible. Instead, try to realise the truth".
"There are no pants."
"Frankly My Dear, I'm not Wearing pants."
"These are the pants of Sauron. He must never find them Frodo. He is seeking them, seeking them with all his strength, his mind is bent on them. They are one, the pants, and the Dark Lord."
"Lost his Pants Master Obi Wan has. How embarrasing, how embarrasing... Gather round the viewer younglings, and find Obi Wans wayward Pants we will...."
Now at this point, you might be wondering whats going on (amidst the screams). You see, the Pants Virus is a horrifying invention invented by a bunch of movie watching geeks in 2008. They lost a movie quote contest when one of them accidentally said 'pants' and got the quote wrong. So they invented this virus to cause people to say pants instead of what they were going to say. Its horrifying effects bring standard conversations to a halt and make the victim look like a moron. And now it was loose in Neocron.
The Court of Neocron was being held in Via Rosso 2. The magistrates were passing judgement on Artricia and had declared she must be permanently exiled for crimes against dildo's. Ben, her lover threw herself on the mercy of the court. Unfortunately she couldn't find the mercy so she threw herself on the floor instead.
"Miss Ben, if you say another word I will hold you in contempt of Court!"
"You can't do this to me ... I ... I... I love ... I love PANTS!!" Artricia felt truly dissed and stormed off.
"No, wait, thats not what I meant."
"Miss Ben, you are in contempt! I hereby sentence you to 60 days without Pants...erm... yeah."
"Huh????" Ben looked on shocked when all of a sudden the bailiff came over and whipped her pants off. Those present gasped in shock as they realised Ben was going commando. Now totally naked from the waist down, Ben ran off screaming to her Pepper Park 3 apartment. As she ran she heard the clicks as hundreds of 'screenies' were taken of this once in a lifetime spectacle.
In the Higher Plain....
MoonUnit was beating his skull in trying to get past the block
"THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!! I HAVE TO GET DOWN THERE!!! NOOOO!!! PANTS!!!! NOOO!!!!.... Oh no...."
To date no cure has been found for the Pants Virus, although there are antidotes to limit the effects to only minor outbursts. We all can only hope that in time we may be cured of the Pants Virus and once again feel a sense of normaility in our pants.... OH Sh....
Until next pants...
NERD Issue # 034
A World Without EGOS
"Let me in... For the love of sushi let me in..." MoonUnit was but a shadow of his former self. It had been yet another 12 days since Ben had lost her pants and still the EGOS were locked out of the lower plain. CheapLoveMotel had oiled his gun collection so many times they were now perfectly frictionless. Critter had found 11,298 things to complain about in the so-called perfect Higher Plain. MoonUnit had broken 8 of his fingers trying to claw his way back to the Lower Plain. The most recent Initiate into the First Circle of EGOS, NoGravity, was sitting in the corner reading the EGOS handbook for the umpteenth time. And Laemin was taking the opportunity to try and get his skinchanger working right.
Meanwhile, in the world below...
"No one has seen any EGOS?" Reefsmoker asked the Plaza 1 crowd.
"Nah, ain't seen one since before all them explosions back when..." Smokey responded.
"I saw Lupus wearing the wrong pants a few weeks ago, but not since then." Trillian responded.
"This isn't good, what's going on?" SpikeZ asked.
"Who the pants gives a crap?" Wolfwood felt the need to get his two cents in, "no EGOS is fine by me."
"We need EGOS to maintain the balance." SpikeZ answered back, only to be punched in the face with his fist. Danae went over to comfort SpikeZ.
"Pah... your carebear protectors aren't coming back. And Danae's looking fat, and so is Trillian, and Lisa, and Eva, and Amagen and...." he carried on like that for.... too long.
"Shut up Wolfwood." Danae spat out.
"Heh, the world will be fine without EGOS. I mean, seriously, what do they do anyway? They never do anything, thats what they do... NOTHING. And you tell me to shut up again and I'll give ya a spanking!" Danae's eyes burned with rage, but she said nothing.
27 minutes later...
Terror in the streets, walls were falling down, fires were breaking out everywhere. People tried to flee the devastated faulty scenery, but they got stuck and couldn't move. Mobs began climbing out of the sewers. Runners went to fight them, only to find that their inventory had mysteriously disappeared. Genereps would take peoples money and not give them their stuff or teleport them anywhere.
And in the Wastelands it was no better. People driving along in APC's suddenly found their APC floating in midair half a mile above the canyon floor or stuck in a tree. Mobs would loom out at them and would not die. And those in H 12... well, those that were not in H 12 counted their blessings a thousand times. Runners would stand still and hope that trouble would not find them, only to find themselves falling through the fabric of reality and through the floor. Those trying to escape the wastelands by Generep would find that wherever they teleported to, they materialised in the air above it and fell to their doom.
"...Ok so maybe I spoke a little too soon." Wolfwood mumbled to himself.
Once again seeing the pain of the people, Danae returned to the Wastelands. During the Pants Virus incident, she had travelled to the Wastelands to try and summon The DEVS, but she had returned unsuccessful. This time it was more urgent than ever that she succeed.
Danae travelled to the summoning point, the only place in the Wastelands where one could stand a chance of summoning The DEVS. Standing on the Shoreline near Rockshore Factory, she threw a Milky Ren, a Synthetic beer and a chaos minion chitin into the water.
"From the dawn of time to the dawn of a new age, through water, earth and fire.
Come forth at my pleading, and have fun with the feeling, I summon with all my desire."
All of a sudden the waters broke, the earth trembled and two hands started groping Danae.
"OI!!! Get off!" she slapped her assailant.
"Hey, the summoning states I get to have fun with the feeling, so less with the slapping already," CoDi responded.
"Well you're here now, so lets get down to business." Danae replied.
"All right!" and CoDi dived towards her again, only to receive and elbow to the nose.
"Not that you perv."
"Oh my Lioon, the Pants Virus got you guys too?"
"Only while I'm in the Lower Plains, virus' don't work in the Fabricator."
"The Fabricator. Its the realm where DEVS work."
"Oh... ok. Anyways, the Lower Plain is falling apart. We need the EGOS back."
"MJS has ordered the EGOS locked away for all eternity. We cannot go against him on this."
"But the world cannot survive like this. For all the stupidity they bring and the amount of time they put us on hold while staring at the strippers, we NEED EGOS to keep things running, or it all falls apart."
"Hey, I hear ya. EGOS are cool in my book. But its Marty's call."
"Then let me at him and I'll kick his pants!"
"Oh please, a mere mortal cannot... unless... if you were... (he stares at Danae's boobs for a while) could it be? The answer to the prophecy!"
"What are you talking about now?"
"There is an ancient prophecy dating back before the formation of this world that states that there is one power in this universe that could severely weaken MJS' powers. And if that power were ever to come into his realm, a time of great upheaval and possible change would come about."
"And what is this great power?"
"You know... boobies!"
"Yes, if a woman were to enter the sacred all male circle of The DEVS, the scales of power would tip."
"How exactly does this help us down here?"
"I'll make a deal with you Danae," CoDi stopped staring at her breasts and looked her in the eyes, "I will release the locks and allow the EGOS to return to this realm" (a scream from high above is heard "YESSSSS!!!")
"Excellent," Danae turned to go.
"But, in exchange I must remove you from the lower realm and make you one of The DEVS. (another scream from high above "NOOOOO!!!! Sushi cannot leave!!")"
"You can't be serious!"
"Oh I'm dead serious. If I am to defy Martin, I must have a secret weapon to use against him. That is you. If you become one of us, you can disrupt Martin enough to allow us freedom to work. This is the deal, what is your answer." Danae horrified, slowly came to terms with the truth she had to face.
And so it was that Danae ascended to The DEVS, stolen from the Lower Plains. The EGOS were released and they began to fix the problems around the world... all except MoonUnit who went straight for Pepper Park.
SpikeZ received only a brief PM from Danae before she was snatched away. The news crushed his soul and he retreated to their little bungalow to grieve.
The walls were fixed, stuck runners released and inventory's somewhat restored. Some damage could not be so quickly undone but for the most part the world returned to normal.
KramertheWierd and Lisa Davitt had been having a private conversation in B 06 when the fabrif of reality had begun to tear around them. Clutching onto one another they would have suffered perma-death had Lupus of the 2nd Circle not saved them in the nick of time. He transported the two to Via Rosso 1 and then departed for the next crisis.
"Lisa, I'm gonna take that as a sign..." Kramer stated.
"A sign for what?" she asked. And he crouched down on one knee...
Danae spent the next week being assimilated and empowered in The Fabricator. When she was ready Danae began her duties of crushing Martin's will to live. However, her heart hurt every minute being separated from SpikeZ. Over the next few days she practiced creating things and resizing them, changing shapes and generally abusing her deity-esque powers. At one point Danae found out what it was like to have... well we won't discuss that further.
Then one day it occurred to her. She was an all powerful being. She could visit the Lower Plains any time she wanted. Exploding into Plaza 1 she caught the tail end of a conversation between SpikeZ, Wolfwood and the rest of Plaza 1.
"... and be glad your womans gone. The big stripper in Pepper is more your league dude and... and... oh pants..."
"Damn straight!" Danae's eyes glowed an eerie blue as she pulled her special tool out, "I seem to recall someone saying he'd give me a spanking if I ever told him to shut up again. Well, I'm telling you to shut up, but I've got a better response for you." Danae used her tool on Wolfwood and he froze, then was electrocuted and then fell to the ground. The crowdd looked on in awe.
"I have now renamed you. From this day forth, you shall be known as 'Spanky'" And so it was that Wolfwood became Spanky. And he was mocked. And then there was peace.
Meanwhile Danae grabbed SpikeZ and warped him to their bungalow for some catch-up time. After 7 hours straight of this, all SpikeZ could utter was:
"Higher Being Sex.... This is sooo Pants...."
"Hush now Spikey, and don't move. I've just thought of a great use for the 'enlarge' button on my special tool." And SpikeZ trembled... and Danae had fun....
Tune in soon for Issue 35: Four EGOS and a Wedding.
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 035
Four EGOS And A Wedding
KramertheWierd and Lisa Davitt had been having a private conversation in B 06 when the fabrif of reality had begun to tear around them. Clutching onto one another they would have suffered perma-death had Lupus of the 2nd Circle not saved them in the nick of time. He transported the two to Via Rosso 1 and then departed for the next crisis.
"Lisa, I'm gonna take that as a sign..." Kramer stated.
"A sign for what?" she asked. And he crouched down on one knee...
Yes, those in the respective clans had known it was in the air, but to the majority, the news came as a suprise. Lisa Davitt, resident blonde of NUTS and Neocron's sexiest Poker and KramertheWierd, PIMP daddy that he is, had decided to tie the knot and get married. This would be the first time the two clans had 'united' in any way, and amazingly there was little objection.
After 2 weeks of planning, the wedding was set to go off. The location of the wedding was to be kept secret until as close to the time as possible, as certain parties might choose to crash. The reception would be held in Via Rosso 3 when all was said and done.
Attributing their second chance at life to him, they asked Lupus of the 2nd Circle of EGOS to perform the ceremony. He agreed.
The day before the wedding came. Lupus, having been taken aside by MoonUnit for days to learn the finer art of 'deleting annoying textures', otherwise known as women's clothing, had forgotten to learn what he had to say. The wedding dress was torn, the cake had been stolen by the Long Eared One (chocolate centres are never a good choice) and the bridesmaids were crying their eyes out. Hence, everything was right on schedule.
And so it was that the day of the wedding came about. Somewhere through the centuries, the age old tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding had been lost. Hence no one thought it strange that Lisa and Kramer were together for breakfast that day.
"Is everything in place?" Lisa whispered in his ear.
"Yeah, we'll send out the word to meet in the Ball Room later today." Kramer whispered back.
"Why are we whispering?" MoonUnit asked. They both yelled in unison. After MoonUnit was thrown out, they carried on.
"Well hon, that was a great breakfast," Lisa rose to go and Kramer followed, "now its time to get on with the weeding."
"Ok babe, lets get going..." and Kramer moved to head for the chapel.
"OI!!!!! Where do you think you're going? I said its time to do the Weeding!" And Lisa grabbed him by the gonads and pulled him out to the garden she had planted on the roof of her Via Rosso apartment. Where once there had been weeds, now had mutated into Acanthous Tentacles. And Kramer could only realise that from this day forward, he was whipped.
(And for all those who thought I mispelled Wedding above, gotcha).
The 'Ball Room' was actually the Big Yellow Ball Room in Military Base Storage 2. Lupus had generated some aisles for them and the guests were arriving. NUTS, PIMP's and even GEF's were arriving in droves for the social event of the fortnight (next fortnight Danae's holding a 'Best Butts in Neocron' bikini contest). Security was posted outside and the lovers entered. Cheers and wolfwhistles were heard, and the Psi Monks put out their artificial confetti (in the form of a Psi heal). Lupus began to move towards the podium.
Meanwhile near the entrance, Spanky had had a hard few weeks on the liquor. He'd fallen on hard times with such a disrespected name as Spanky. And last night, he'd staged a backdoor deal for some LAG rounds. He was determined to get even with Danae.
Lupus stepped up to the podium and coughed a few times. No one paid any attention. He Temp Kicked one of the bridesmaids, everyone shut up.
"Ok... Dearly beloved... Is it beloved or .... ACCK"...
Lupus in his disoriented state tested the lag rounds by firing them at the guy dressed in black, hitting Lupus with the only ammo that works on EGOS. Lupus was sent flying from the Lower Plains to recover his composure. Shocked and dismayed, Lisa looked to go nuts, but security chased Spanky away. All of a sudden FreeNode showed up.
"FREENODE!!!" Shodough yelled.
"Wow, another set of tin pants." Techi tried to fill the void that McDanish would have taken up, but it wasn't the same.
"Oooh, tin pants means hard pants contents." Eva tried to jump FreeNode, but he quickly warped to Lisa.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance." FreeNode offered to perform the service and Lisa, beaming with joy accepted. Kramer had already accepted he had no control over this day so just stood still, pleading with the power that is Marty that he wouldn't lose the ring. FreeNode was about to begin when Spanky crashed back into the room and hailed fire at the replacement minister. FreeNode then began to race Lupus back to the Higher Plain.
Eyes blazing red, Lisa extended her fingernails to claw length and prepared to rip Spanky to shreds. Kramer knew all to well what that felt like and cowered behind his best man. All of a sudden a mighty "TEMP KICK!!!" was heard as Laemin, having stolen CheapLoveMotel's boot of doom, came flying in and dropkicked Spanky into orbit, before chasing him out through the hole in the roof. Spanky would not be a problem, but it seemed there were no more EGOS to perform the wedding. All of a sudden with fire in his heart, a tear in his eye and a tank full of beer, J.Reaper leapt to his feet and began the sermon.
"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of MJS to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If any person should object, let him speak now or forever hold his peace..." Lisa turned, eyes blazing red at the crowd. Eva had been raising her hand to ask if she could have a quicky with the groom first, but now thought better of it. J.Reaper continued.
"Do you KramertheWierd take Lisa Davitt to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to grope as long as you both shall live?"
"Yes I do."
"Same sentence, names alternated, less groping, more bossing around." Everyone raised an eyebrow as they thought about that.
"Yes I do."
"Please exchange the rings." The two passed each other a recordable datacube labelled 'wedding ring'.
"By the state of anarchy I declare you husband and wife you may..." they were already going at it, "carry on."
The Reception in Sypher's Cafe was a huge event. The LAG'ed EGOS returned to pay their compliments to the happy couple and the clans put aside their differences and all got drunk in equal measure! The party lasted some time and a few other relationships even began to flourish.
Later that night, it was Lisa, lying in sultry pose in the newly formed 'joint apartment'.
"Well come on Kram... I'm waiting." Kramer emerged from the bathroom and dimmed the lights.
"Ohh yeah babey, ohhh yeah." And he crept into the bed.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom....
Kramer struggled to undo his restraints, as all he could hear was 'ohh yeah babey' and the occasional 'sushi time' coming from the other room, and he wondered when his face had become part of an EGOS skinchanger.
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 036
...As the Kramer disguised MoonUnit clambered into the bed, Lisa turned to look at him, passion in her eyes. That passion quickly went out as she looked down.
"MOONUNTI!!!" Her eyes blazed death.
"How did you know it was me?" Moon asked. Lisa pointed to his groin region and the "EGOS Enhanced Moisture Missile, Property of KK" that was prepped for launch. We will not inquire as to why it has a label, some things are better left unsaid.
Lisa stormed into the bathroom and freed Kramer from his bonds. Sore and a little upset that his honeymoon had been gatecrashed, Kramer insisted that Moon leave. Sensing that the sushi bar was closed, so to speak, Moon turned to go, but Lisa had other ideas.
Lisa reached into her purse and pulled the 'Brassnucks of Anti-Stupidity', her wedding present from Laemin. She then proceeded to go postal on MoonUnit. Through 5 sets of powerarmour, full constitution and EGOS invincibility, she pounded the nucks till she eventually hit him squarely in his standard issue KK enhanced brass balls. One eye crossed the other and Moon grabbed his crotch in pain.
"Wow honey, aren't you going a little too far?"
"No, I'm not through with him." And Lisa began the dance of summoning. And then CheapLoveMotel appeared.
"Hey, whats up? Oooh, nice nightwear Lisa," he got punched right about now, "so...ow.... what can I do for you?"
"MoonUnit badmouthed Helpdesk." Lisa stated. Kramer tried to hide his horror. He couldn't believe Lisa would stoop to that. There are many things that go on in Neocron, and many things that are let slip, but no matter what: You don't mock Helpdesk.
CheapLoveMotel glared at Moon, who, thanks to his cracked nuts, could not speak to defend himself. CLM reared back and yelled it loud and proud.
"CRIME AGAINST HELPDESK!!! TEMP KICK!!!" And he punted as if the 2060 Superbowl depended on it. And Moon sailed up, and then headed back down....
Nerd Editor was sitting back, checking his latest issue, and sipping a Warbot Cola.
"Yes, this is perhaps the most perfect issue I've ever written. I shall publish it this very day... hey whats that whistling sound?" And with that MoonUnits overly generous ass came crashing down through the roof and thanks to his being a Tinpants plated EGOS, he broke the foundation of the building and NERD Inc. was demolished. The Perfect NERD lost for all time. But MoonUnit found the Porn archives in the basement so I suppose not all was bad news.
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